Comments on: How to Deal with a Lying Spouse – Financial Infidelity in Marriage

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 23:55:00 +0000

if you ever contemplate suicide, there are people who will listen and talk to you. suicide is NEVER the answer, because it gets better!

By: Casey Slide

Casey Slide — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 02:12:00 +0000

I’m so sorry to hear about that. Contact your lawyer or bank to find out if you are a beneficiary.

By: vilyla

vilyla — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 17:04:00 +0000

I foubd out after my husband died he’d been using 3 bank accounts I knew nothing about.What steps do i need to take to be able to see if those accounts were left with monies in them when he died?

By: happysoon

happysoon — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 01:17:00 +0000

My husband was a liar when I married him I had no idea I found out later when he would lie about everything under the son from money to being in contact with past girlfriends (which I told him I had no problem with but if he was gonna talk to them he needed to do it when I was there as well then of course he would decline the calls when I was around but make them and accept them when I wasn’t) I put a lot of effort into our marriage and for that my credit was ruined and I am stuck until I finish nursing school and get my license. It will be very difficult for me to trust another man ever….men like my husband make it hard for the good guys to catch a break….

By: Repose

Repose — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 11:34:00 +0000

I found out that my husband of 24 yrs was having an affair and in the process of gathering the financial paper work necessary for me to make a safe exit, discovered stock accounts that valued 2.3 million! I filed for separate maint. because he took the money from our savings account and changed the number on the credit cards. Now I am out of money and cannot have a fair trial, I will have to accept his pitiful offer in order to settle and move on. I accept my contribution to the break down, I did not hold him accountable for our money. I trusted his handling of it all.
Great article and one that I wish I had read a long time ago!

By: Erik Folgate

Erik Folgate — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 04:16:28 +0000

Robert, wow, that’s some heavy stuff. I really think you should go see a counselor to talk through things. There might be hope for your marriage if you and her sit down with a marriage counselor, but it sounds like she needs to wake up and have a revelation that her vicodin and gambling addiction is destroying your marriage and ultimately her life.

I’m really sorry to hear it. If you want to discuss further or if you’d like to have me help you get hooked up with the right people to talk through your life and financial situation, email at erikfolgate @ moneycrashers . com

By: Robert

Robert — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 03:16:27 +0000

I just told my wife to leave because she is entirely derelict with her finances. She not only wastes money on food and material things, but does quite abit of gambling. She told me that she works hard for her money, and she can do what she wants with it. She also has a vicodin addiction, and is on my work place health insurance so she can get 200 vicodin/mo. I asked her to go on her companies health insurance, but she would only get 30 vicodin/mo. It is costing me $558.00/mo to pay for this. Now she is gone and paying for her own expenses and is complaining about not having enough money. Out of the goodness of my heart, I told her to just give me $300.00/mo to cover some of my cost, but is giving me a hard time because it probably cuts into her gambling. She told me that I only wanted her money throughout the marriage, but she helped me get into $56,000.00 worth of credit card debt. I am now filing for bankruptcy because I can’t afford the $1,400.00/mo minimum payments, $558.00/mo for her on my insurance plus the rest of my expenses. Even though I almost took my life because I got so depressed for telling her to leave; I am felling stronger because now I have a chance to repair my life even though I will wreck my perfect credit score for awhile. I will definately choose much more wisely next time.
Robert

By: Tara RH

Tara RH — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 01:07:39 +0000

My husband has a problem with money, and lying about it. I have tried everything I know of to address the problem, including sending him to rehab for a month for his “addiction.” He continues to lie and spend ridiculous amounts of money on credit cards. I am left with no option but divorce–to protect myself and our son. It’s unfortunate, but that’s just how it is.

By: Elizabeth I

Elizabeth I — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 16:00:34 +0000

I believe part of this problem comes from the fact that many married couples do not have a concept of “our money”. It is either “my” money or “your” money. Having “our money” comes hand in hand with having a budget. Financially healthy (and emotionally healthy) couples pool money together and then decide jointly where the money is spent. They are accountable to each other for spending appropriately.

Having separate accounts takes out this accountability factor and responsibility factor. You are no longer accountable to your spouse because you spouse has no say or even knowledge of what is in your bank account or on your credit card.

When talking amongst friends the subject of having joint accounts has come up a couple of times. One friend’s husband does not want a joint account because he said to his wife “What if you took all my money?”. If you are worried about your wife taking all of your money, I think you have perhaps married the wrong person. Another friend said “What do you do if you have to buy a gift for a friend?” I replied “I buy a gift” and I explained that buying “x, w, or z” isn’t a problem because we have discussed making these purchases ahead of time and these items are in the budget. If the items are not in the budget, then we have another conversation.

I would strongly suggest to any couple thinking about getting married is to meet with a financial planner. Do this while you are engaged. Most financial planners will not charge you for a meeting. What this will do is give you and your future spouse an overall view of what you should be doing (this is important in case either one of you has no knowledge or interest as to what to do with $$$). Additionally, you be given information at the same time by a third party. Hopefully having a third party involved will get you both on track to creating a financial plan and sticking to it.

Second, each party needs to create a budget for the other person. What do you spend money on? Food, clothes, sticking it into savings? Then you need to look at your fiancee’s budget and ask questions. Why is there “x” amount of money being spent on “x”? This way you will have a realistic understanding of how much money you will have in the future.

Third, make sure each person has some discretionary spending money or has the ability to generate some spending money. For my husband and I we have a set amount to spend each month and we have agreed that any money I make from my part time job (not much), I can spend as well.

Fourth, realize that finances are a work in progress. It doesn’t all happen the day you get married. If you are 80% satisfied with your financial plans with your spouse, consider that a success.