Marriage: Handling your finances together
March 7, 2006 by Erik Folgate
Filed under Family and Relationships
Take a quick survey…
1. Do you know how much money is in your bank account right now?
2. Do you and your spouse share a checking account?
3. Do you consult your spouse before buying something for more than $50?
If you answered “No” to all of these questions, then you need marriage counseling. It is as simple as that. A marriage constitutes becoming one cohesive unit, and when two people do not share and consult with each other over the finances, things get ugly.  The number one cause of divorce in North America is money problems. The problem is not having enough of it, it’s how to handle it.ÂÂ
There are two kinds of spouses. There is the spouse that takes absolutely no part in handling the finances (usually the man). He brings home the bacon, but does not have a clue where the bacon is going. The other kind of spouse is a control freak whom insists on having separate bank accounts so he or she can keep “his” money from the other spouse. Everything is split down the middle, and issues about money are not talked about. Both of these spouses are completely off base. First of all, a marriage is not a joint venture. The purpose is not to keep intimacy separate from other marital subjects. Your finances should be an intimate encounter! I know, it sounds creepy, but you and your spouse should be doing a budget together, sharing a bank account, and talking about big purchases together.ÂÂ
The problem always comes when either one person takes no part in their finances, or he or she grabs complete control over it. If you are engaged, I strongly encourage you both to talk about money. See what your views are on it. Chances are that one of you will be more free-spirited and the other will be a nerdy, penny-pincher. This is not as big of a problem as it sounds! It is common for a spender and a saver to come together and get married, because it is good for the both of you. One spouse teaches the other to save more, and the other spouse teaches the other to live a little! Finding this balance is the key to a successful and healthy marriage.ÂÂ
Remember…if you have two separate bank accounts, YOU ARE SETTING YOUR MARRIAGE UP FOR A DISASTER. All it says to me is that you do not trust each other, which is a much bigger issue than having two separate accounts. There are plenty of financial advisors out there that will recommend it, but are they candid about their personal lives? Now THAT is something to think about.ÂÂ
Great topic,
Just added a post to my blog concerning this topic after reading:
http://www.mymoneyblog.com/archives/2006/03/marriage_and_mo_1.html
Your are right, Finding the Balance is Key and to achieve that you must communicate openly!
It’s not an either or issue. I think it is a good idea for partners to have separate accounts and credit cards plus joint accounts for joint expenses and investment. Having an account that you can spend without worrying you are going to overdraw because your partner just spent some money without you knowing seems convenient and can avoid arguments on minor issues. I’m not yet married and trying to discuss these issues with my potential wife. She hasn’t thought a lot about such things, whereas I’m an economics professor and have thought a lot about things. She already decided that I would handle the investment and tax side. We haven’t got to the point of details on checking accounts etc….
I still don’t think separate accounts is a good idea. The reason is because if one person makes more than the other, than obviously you are going to have more money to spend on whatever you want. Also, it takes away communication within the marriage. If you don’t have to worry about telling your spouse about your purchases, then it will DEFINITELY start more minor arguments than it will alleviate them. The point is that if you want to get married, you have to bite the bullet and realize that what mine is yours and yours is mine. The intimacy of the relationship is diminished if you handle your finances like roommates.
thanks for sharing this bro…indeed, there should always be an open communication in regards to budgeting and using all the resources that a married couples have.
“it needs teamwork in handling a very serious matter. “