What to Do When a Family Member or Friend Won’t Pay Back a Loan

friends fighting moneyHere is a common scenario: a friend asks you for money for the down payment on a car and promises to pay you back as soon as he can. Being the loving and caring friend that you are, you immediately loan the money, confident it will come back in due time. After all, you’ve known your friend for years and trust him, and you wouldn’t expect any less.

But as the months go by, you still don’t see a dime come back. You are nervous about asking for the money, but you really need it back. Yet, you don’t want to harm the relationship.

So what do you do? How do you get your money back and maintain the friendship? Here are nine ways to deal with a friend or family member who won’t pay you back.

Ways to Get Your Money Back from a Friend

1. Offer Gentle Reminders
Sometimes this is all it takes. Perhaps the person has so much on their mind that they forgot about the loan. Consider sending an email or visiting him. If your friend or family member has a good sense of humor, make a joke out of getting your money back. Humor can lighten the mood. However, make sure you communicate how important it is to you to be repaid.

2. Suggest a Payment Plan
If your friend wants to pay you back, but cannot pay the entire lump sum at once, suggest a payment plan. Sit down with him and write out the terms and conditions for the payments, including how often and how much. Establishing structure to the loan will benefit both of you. When deadlines are clear, it’s easier for your friend to be held accountable to them.

3. Offer to Help Figure Out Finances
If your friend or family member is willing, help him review his finances. If he does not manage money well, suggest that he make a budget or help set it up. In this way, you both can see how much he can afford to pay you back each month. Suggest the envelope budgeting system if it looks like he is having a difficult time staying within budget.

4. Barter
If it seems like he will never have the money, consider a different approach. Trade a specific amount of work around the house or in your yard for what he owes you. Or maybe you own a business and could use some extra help there. This can be a great way to let him off the hook for the money, but still get something of value in return.

Try this approach out first, however. If your friend is horrible at housework and you trade for an hourly amount, you may not feel like you got your money’s worth – which could leave lasting resentment in the relationship.

Alternatively, if he has an item that is roughly equivalent in value to what he owes, tell him you’re willing to wipe out the debt if he’s willing to part with the item.

5. Hold a Joint Garage Sale
If your friend or family member is unable to pay you back and is very tight on both money and time, ask him if they would donate some of their things towards a garage sale. The conditions would be that you get the entire profit, but they would be free of the debt. It’s best if you first approve, and then take charge of pricing and selling the items, so you don’t feel ripped off.

6. Get Collateral
If your friend or family member truly wants to pay you back, but lacks the discipline to do so, ask for collateral. Something he won’t want to do without, like a TV or iPad, can be a good choice. You are not to return the item until he pays you back. Such an action gives him incentive to pay you back sooner and proves to you that he genuinely intends to follow through with the promise.

7. Visit in Person
Perhaps your friend or family member is avoiding you because he knows you want your money back. If he doesn’t respond to emails, texts, or phone calls, visit him in person. Be kind when you visit. Show him that he can’t avoid the situation and offer suggestions that he can implement to pay you back.

8. Have Them Pay for You
If you are on friendly terms, ask your friend to pay for you each time you go to lunch or the movies. This could be an easier way for him to pay you back, and it might be a nice perk for you as well.

9. Gift It to Them
If never getting the money back isn’t going to ruin your life, consider gifting the amount. You’ll probably feel good about it and then you can move on. Giving is great for the soul and allows you to be a good steward with your money.

As for the gift, there is a slim possibility you can deduct it on your taxes, but it depends on the scenario. The loan would need to be set up as and considered a true loan turned non-business bad debt. More than likely, you will not be able to count the gift as a tax deduction, but I recommend contacting the IRS or checking out their website. These sorts of gifts are closely scrutinized, and depending on the value of your gift, you could even end up owing gift tax. Gifts in excess of $13,000 are liable to be taxed and the donor is the one who pays this tax. Gifts for charitable contributions, for medical or educational expenses, to a political organization, or to your spouse are not assessed this tax.

friend pulling money

Maintaining a Good Relationship

Loans can ultimately sour relationships, and many friends and families have fallen out over this issue. Here are some ways to deal with the relationship as you are attempting to get repaid.

1. Be Patient and Forgive
Try to be as understanding as possible. This person may not be as financially responsible as you and may need some guidance to pay you back. Use the situation as an opportunity to help your friend develop financial responsibility. Do your best to not get bitter over the money. If the person doesn’t pay you back, let him know your frustrations, but ultimately forgive him and move on. In the end, it will save your relationship and keep you from being an angry person who lost a close friend.

2. Think About How Much Your Relationship Is Worth
Is your relationship with this person worth a hundred dollars? A thousand dollars? A million dollars? Is it priceless? Keep that in perspective as you continue to deal with the situation.

3. You Can Only Control Yourself
You are only capable of controlling your own actions. If this person does not pay you back, that is on his shoulders and not yours. Don’t let it bring you down or ruin your life. Ultimately, it is a learning experience for both sides.

Final Word

It is often not a good idea to loan money to friends or family members. However, if you’ve already done the deed and find yourself dealing with it, make the best of the situation and use the tips above to try to get your money back and save the relationship. Chances are, your friend doesn’t feel very good about the situation either, and if they’re avoiding you, that’s probably why.

“Help them help you” is the message here. Have compassion, and whatever you do, don’t condescend because they owe you money. Definitely deal with your ego if you think this position makes you “better” than they are. They will pick up on these feelings which could harm the relationship irreparably.

Have you loaned money to friends or family members? What was your experience like? Have they paid you back yet?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FVIKWKXA2XO6YECZKBMZLURLXY Martin

    When I was much younger, I remember loaning money to a friend and never getting any money back. It soured the relationship. Since then, I never have done that again with friends or family members. Either I hardly ever might give them money or most of the time I just ‘Cry Poverty’, even though I know they know I could do it if I wanted to. Crying Poverty like ‘I don’t have any cash available, have other expensive problems to deal with, don’t have it’, etc does the trick. I found that most family/friends who bug you for a loan, in just about all the time, themselves cannot manage money and it is very doubtful you will get anything back. In a rare situation like, someone getting all their stuff stolen in a foreign country, I will gladly give them some money and never expect repayment. I had that happen to me when I was very young and too trusting of strangers. Some very nice people from New York let me eat with them for a few days at a foreign campground. Right before they left, they gave me a very small amount of cash. I got their home address and I swore I would repay them for everything they had done. The way they responded then was in total disbelief. I shocked them a month later after I got home(after my parents were finally able to wire money to me overseas) and sent them the full amount plus some and they were so appreciative. They admitted they did not expect this and thanked me profusely. Most other people though would never do that and you should not expect repayment. That is why I still ‘Cry Poverty’ in most situations.

    • Deborahshampooch

      yes i agree with you. i loaned my nephew £2.500two years ago for a car loan and nothing as been said about it since. I feel its gunna cause a lot of friction asking for my own money which i had to work very hard for back.

    • Deborahshampooch

      yes i agree with you. i loaned my nephew £2.500two years ago for a car loan and nothing as been said about it since. I feel its gunna cause a lot of friction asking for my own money which i had to work very hard for back.

  • http://www.goberich.com Ross @ Go Be Rich

    Yup, no lending out money to friends or family for me. If on the off chance that someone is really, really in need or something crazy has happened and they need some cash right then and there, I might consider simply giving them the money and not expecting any of it back, but that would be about the only way any of my friends or family would end up with my money.

  • MrsUnhoMofo

    We sold a truck to a friend for $1000. He was susposed to pay it back in 5 weeks. 8 months later we still haven’t been paid back. Odd how he has the money to go to the fair and run off to have a fun weekend in the city but you can’t pay back a “friend”… Hope you had fun at the fair we couldn’t seem to fit it into our budget. Oh and your taking your daughter to the city to go shopping for school clothes that must be nice I went to a yard sale and picked my daughter up 5 pairs of “childrens place” jeans for less than you will spend on gas.
    We will never loan anyone money nor will we sell anything to a friend, family member, or co-worker ever again!

    • mrs teapot

      When someone says for months “oh I can’t pay you back for this that and the other reason” and then they go out and buy a brand new pedigree puppy (which they bragged about how much it cost), you start to think you will never see that money again :(

  • Anonymous

    The best idea is to avoid the whole problem. Neither a borrower nor a lender be, especially when friends and family are involved. My younger brother used to borrow money and I almost never got it back. Finally I told him I wasn’t going to loan him any more money. I told him if he really needed money and it was within my means, I would give it to him. He never asked for money again. I guess he was not being honest with himself when he said he would pay the money back, and then had guilt feelings when he couldn’t get it together to pay me. In his eyes he could ask for a loan and turn it into a gift, but he couldn’t just come right out and ask for money,

  • CCameron

    I asked a true friend to look after a stash of money for me due to complications with my long term relationship. He said he would and would’t touch it once in a savings account until I was ready for it. Months later he was unemployed and due to a mix up a small amount was paid for a bill. I agreed it was OK for the time as he said he would pay it back as soon as he could. 2 years on, no mention of my money but we had our usual friendly chats and texts where he would go bars and clubs. I started to think about my money. I moved house on my own with two children and ask for my money by e-mail. almost two months later he replies to say he was unemployed again and how do I expect him to pay back??!!
    Disgusted and may have to take legal action if I am not paid back, even if it’s monthly payments it will help me to keep my home going for my children. Never lend, never borrow. I’ve learnt the hard way.

  • CCameron

    I asked a true friend to look after a stash of money for me due to complications with my long term relationship. He said he would and would’t touch it once in a savings account until I was ready for it. Months later he was unemployed and due to a mix up a small amount was paid for a bill. I agreed it was OK for the time as he said he would pay it back as soon as he could. 2 years on, no mention of my money but we had our usual friendly chats and texts where he would go bars and clubs. I started to think about my money. I moved house on my own with two children and ask for my money by e-mail. almost two months later he replies to say he was unemployed again and how do I expect him to pay back??!!
    Disgusted and may have to take legal action if I am not paid back, even if it’s monthly payments it will help me to keep my home going for my children. Never lend, never borrow. I’ve learnt the hard way.

  • Misscheese

    In 2008 aunt and i decided to save money which we were planning to share at the end of the year. She suggested that since she had an account that could give a better interest, we should deposit money into that account which we could share at the end of the year. Now, 3 years later, she is not saying anything and when i ask about the money she says i will get it but nothing happens. What do i do

    • Casey Slide

      Consider asking her to get you the money by a certain date. Perhaps you could say you need it to by for x, y, and z. Try to get a deadline from her of when she plans to pay you. If she doesn’t pay up by that date, you can get a little more aggressive by really drilling her about what is going on with the money.

  • Juls Kim89

    I need some serious advice, any help would be greatly appreciated. My family lent over 200K to a family friend for a business venture some years ago and got some hand-written signed documents promising they’d be payed back. Now after years of tearful calls (we moved to a different state), they’ve just told us they’re filing for bankruptcy. What legal actions can I take?

    • Casey Slide

      I am not a legal expert so I can’t give you any legal advice. However, I would advise that you speak to a lawyer who would be able to better guide you. I’m so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. Good luck!

    • [email protected]

      I am in the same Boat as you. I loaned a so called friend 60 grand and he said he declared bankruptcy. Only true low lifes would borrow money from a friend and declare bankruptcy

      • Wrong move

        ATW and Juls, what did you guys end up doing? I am on the same boat and there is nothing you can do about it. Bankruptcy system is a little messed up, i can see why people would plan to borrow a bunch of money and declare bankruptcy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/bossman517 Corey Bledden

    I loaned 2k to my brother and his wife they promised to pay in full on a certain date that day came and they said they didn’t get paid I said ok Ill work with you since then it has been weeks of avoidance I wrote him and said they needed to pay me or figure something out even call me would suffice but he returned the message saying not to contact him and give him an address to send a money order and he tried to degrade me and make me seem like a horrible person for wanting to get paid back I wrote him back telling him I’d prefer the money in person he replied I already paid you back I wrote how and when did you pay me back and that was the last I heard from him I have been waiting checking my mail box but nothing yet since it is in writing to not contact him should I hire an attorney to resolve this as I do not want harassment charges

    • Casey Slide

      It’s probably not a good idea to hire an attorney to get back 2k. While 2k is a lot of money, it is not enough to justify lawyer’s fees. I’m sorry, Corey, because this does not sound like a good situation. You may want to consider the money a gift so you don’t risk making matters worse at the moment, and hopefully your relationship can be restored once the situation cools off.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/FZZLCRN5SOCUZZAJKWUTXLQ6KQ Zoe

    My husband loaned his mother $8000 without my consent. This woman lives on a fixed income, filed bankruptcy, and refuses to get a job. Well needless to say, she has not followed through with her payments. My husband would rather fight with me about it rather than holding his mother accountable for the loan. Meanwhile his mother spends money on frivolous things and then runs to my husband with excuses as to why she can’t pay. This whole situation has caused nothing but arguments and has damaged my marriage. We have debts that need to get paid and that money should never have been loaned out to begin with. I have been documenting her excuses and payments/non-payments for the past 3 years. She still needs to pay $5000. I am beyond furious since basically I’m working 40+ hours a week to pay for someone else’s crap and I’m sick of it. My husband thought that he was helping, but all he is doing is enabling. His mother will never learn the value of the dollar and how many hours of work is required to pay for things in life. Loaning money should never be done. People are not banks!

    • Casey Slide

      I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he is enabling her. That is often what happens when giving loans, but not always. Good luck getting your money back and with getting your husband on the same page as you.

  • Shangey G

    I’ve met a friend from a program I was in. We’ve been going out to eat every week or so, and somehow I always get stiffed a couple bucks here and there. I’ll put more on the bill or tip. Or just today, as we got to the register after ordering 2 desserts she pulled out 3 cents and a dime and said “that’s all she had”, which made me wonder why she agreed to split a dessert.
    I’ve gotten advice from a couple of people, including my mom, who have told me to “feel good about helping her out”. I feel like i’m being used and a sucker. I am a guy, but i’m gay. So this isn’t a matter of “the guy should pay for the woman” kind of thing. If I wanted people to “use” me and give away money and get chipped away a dollar or 2 every time I meet with someone, I’d like to have a young gay guy do it to me. At least I’d be thrilled he’s “using” me.

    • Casey Slide

      While your mom is right that you are “helping her out”, you are also enabling her. If she has done this once or twice, let it slide, but it sounds like it is more. If she is using you, you are allowing her to do it instead of helping her find ways to deal with being short on cash. Maybe talk about ways you earn extra money or something that may indirectly inspire her to work on earning more or saving more. Help her to be better with finances by discussing what you do with yours. Good luck!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_AGIMZ7MMGB6JK5BQ7BQTWZPLWU ZaidiB

    I’m stuck with a hotel bill my aunt, who has dementia, and her husband, a few years her junior, left me on their recent visit to see me. I booked a hotel room for them, and upon checking in, they failed to reverse the charges onto their credit card. Being that my aunt has dementia, I chose to deal with her husband, who begged off each time I broached the subject. This constrained the happiness of their visit, so to cut my losses, I returned the car I rented to drive them around town, and told my aunts’ husband to arrange a shuttle to take them back to the airport when they check out of the hotel. Now, after their visit, my aunt has no recollection of any of this, except, according to my brother, only a vague awareness of a conflict between myself and her husband. I love my aunt dearly, but have only disdain for her husband, who showed his lack of character by trying to stiff me on the hotel bill, which was for $572.00. What can I do to get my money back, without straining the relationship I have with my aunt? My brother plans to talk with him, and promised to get back to me. I plan to mail a letter to remind them of their obligation; and If this fails, send them a letter of demand, with a threat to seek legal action. I’m depressed about this, partly because I allowed it happened, and partly because I feel that I’ve been played. What can I do to get my money back, and/or my piece of mind?

    • Casey Slide

      That does not sound like a good situation. If it were me, I’d suck it up and gift the money. The relationship with your aunt is too important. Seeking legal action would be very stressful for all involved. Just take this as a lesson. Overall, gifting the money will give you more of a peace of mind than any other option.

  • anny

    I helped my sister and her husband pay for a vet bill to the tune of 1500.00 and now they won’t make any of arranged payments. and he is a sheriff deputy so they make decent money (more then me) and I think it’s wrong for them to do that. especially with his job, he is supposed to be enforcing the law but don’t pay his debts.

  • broke

    So I went to beauty school with this girl a few years ago, and we became good friends. Even after we graduated we still hung out every week doing hair and nails on some clients. During school we both decided that I could buy her scissors with my credit card, for obvious credit, and she paid me back within the month. Later on she had asked if I would open up a credit card for a few stores for her during Christmas so she could get presents for her children, (she has 3) and she would pay me back as soon as she would stick to the payment plans we figured out . Well the first few months were good. She would pay me on time , but then she started making excuses like her tax refund still wasn’t back (should have figured out from that point that it was a big mistake). Her excuses were also that she got paid the day after the due date of the bill. So now a year later, I am $1300 in debt,( the starting amount was only $1000), my friend is constantly making up excuses, I can’t pay it off because from the beginning I told her I didn’t have the money, and I currently don’t have a job. I’m so frustrated with her because she’s older than me and I trusted her. And all the proof I have of all this is the text messages that I have saved. I just don’t know what to do.

  • http://www.facebook.com/beulah.sipp Beulah Sipp

    Loaned my son over 2k dollars, refusing to pay, keep lieing concerning his income tax check, what should I do. If he does not pay me, we have no relationship

    • Khan Quan

      Family members are the worst, most likely they won’t pay you.

    • Misslabeled

      Like the article says, you can write it off as a nonbusiness bad debt. I did that with a friend of mine. I know he’s struggling and I know he would pay me if he could. It was hard enough for him to ask, so I’ve just never asked him because I know it’s hopeless. I “loaned” the money believing in my head that I’d never see it again and that’s what saved my feelings about it, but he has cooled because he feels guilty. Anyway, I was able to write it off.

  • Anonymous Viper 7

    mine isn’t bad compared to some others, but i loaned my stepsister’s boyfriend $100 to bail her out of jail because she got caught with weed and he said he’d pay me back $150, and neither of them have a stable job, so i’m thinking of taking his xbox for ransom…

  • Khan Quan

    When it comes to money people tend to lose their mind. They are greedy when they see the green. this is bad especially a family members or a friend. To the fact we all got to have responsibilities to pay back something owed. Or items that has been borrow from you or your family. Sometimes people think it is a gift not a lending, but this is totally wrong and people should know better than that. Many times people just wanted to play dumb or stupid or act innocent. This is a fool of himself, because all the people around him will know this person is not trustable or unworthy at all.

  • Misslabeled

    Afraid of harming the relationship??? The deadbeat who won’t pay you back already harmed the relationship. This just sounds like a decision as to who should carry the resentment, the person that didn’t get paid or the person that wouldn’t pay you back. It’s already over. All that’s left is getting it out in the open.

  • Georgia

    You know the old saying… Fool me one, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
    First time, the daughter of my significant other said, “would you pick up a box of candy (30.00/lb candy) and I will pay you when I get to town. Never paid me. Second time, she asked “any ideas for Christmas gift(s) for dad”? Told her no ~ then she said “would you pick these up for me, so I don’t have to mail the gifts.” shame on me ~ did it and now she says… Money is beyond tight now! Mind you, we are talking $60.00 here.but, she has the money for Conceal Carry classes and Survival Courses, not to mention boarding 2 horses. It is not the money ~ it is the deception, Too bad for her, because I will not do anything for her anymore.

  • tryingtobefair

    I borrowed $4000 from a friend after leaving my abusive husband. This friend was very dear to me and insisted I take the loan. I explained that I had no idea when I could pay it back as I didn’t even have a place to live at the time and was earning $1000 a month while supporting my 2 children. BUT, my intension was to someday pay her back every penny. We eventually worked together at her office and I managed to pay her back over $1700. I soon found a better paying position but continued to work for her for free one day a week for 2 1/2 months. Much time passed and recently she contacted me stating I still owe her $3200. I reminded her that I had already paid her $1700 and then worked specific days, earning specific dollar amounts. These amounts were to be applied to the loan. I was also suppose to receive commission checks for the entire time I worked for her but only received one month worth of commission. I explained to her that because I had not heard from her I assumed that the loan was paid back in full. Now 3 years later she is saying that I did not work for free. I have print outs from her business manager of the clients I treated and the amounts I would have earned.
    I must say that the reason I left her office was also because I found out that she had been involved in 2 law suits regarding embezzlement. (she was being charged) I was afraid to have my name attached to the business. And she couldn’t pay me enough as well. One of the individuals charging her passed away. The other she hired a very expensive legal team and there was not enough evidence to find her guilty. (however i saw with my own eyes what she had done as far as this charge goes, only didn’t realize what was happening until after the case was over)
    My question is this, Would I be better off letting her take me to small claims court and showing my evidence there or mailing her the evidence I have? I’m afraid she will find some way to “change” or alter the evidence I send her (like remove these clients from her system, etc) . I am a single mom, living penny to penny and can’t afford to pay back something I don’t owe.
    I live in CA and did actually file for BK after this loan took place. I didn’t list it in my BK but worse case scenario I may have to. If that is even an option.
    We never signed an agreement but I have sent several emails prior to any payback that I am very appreciative and will pay her back if it’s the last thing I do.
    We both work in a small town and I have found out that she has bad mouthed me as far as my services go (I’m a hair dresser) I hate for this to get ugly and have her try to harm my career.
    Any advice? I would really appreciate it.

    • Figlets

      From what you wrote, and what I can surmise, you borrowed $4000, and paid back $1700. You worked in your friend’soffice for free for free 1 hour each week for 2-1/2 months (10 Days). Did you specifically say to her (or did she understand) specifically that those 10 days would equal the remaining balance of $2,300? It doesn’t sound like that was made clear. Also, I might have missed this, but how long has this loan been outstanding? A lot of people who borrow money from friends (large dollar amounts) fail to realize, that the money lent to them was earned by that friend, who has/had to paid taxes on it. When the money is lent, it is taken out of their ability to use it. That can put extreme financial hardship on the lender as time goes by. Again, only going by what I can gather from your post, she may have thought you were helping her out because you were unable to give her what she needed back at that time – the balance of the loan. She has helped you by the loan, you have repaid all but $2,300. My 2cents: Pay her back the remaining balance. The 10 days you worked for her is the least you can do to say “Thank You” for lending me the money. Keep up with your intent to pay her back.

  • Kirsty

    Love this. When I try to get the money back I’m harassing. Guy is a jerk thought he was a good friend. Hard lesson to learn. I believe in Karma and he will be paid back for doing this some time someday. Wish I could watch him fall. What’s really sad is he is a former marine. You think he would have a conscience. It’s not enough to take to court over and all I really have as evidence is texts and they would have to be pulled out of my phone as some of them have been deleted. I know it can be done. What irritates me, is I can’t let it go. I’ve tried and I can’t tell anyone because I feel like a fool.
    well just writing it out makes me feel a little better.

    • L

      That’s the hard part isn’t it? You feel stupid. I feel I can’t trust people anymore, like they’re just out to get whatever they can from you. Well, I’m lucky in that I have a lot of good, long term friends. But newer friends and meeting new people? Just can’t open up anymore.

  • moregoose1944

    My brother stoled a 1000 dollars cash from me on a truck deal. Then pretty much told me to stick it and he wasnt paying me back. any way your advice on being a nice guy to get my money doesnt really make sense. I did that all ready. the money was for his rent and bills so he wouldnt fall behind and hurt his credit. He was starting a new job and wouldnt get paid for 2 weeks. He makes over a thousand a week and single. He doest care if it ruins a life time relationship. So I will never see the money. The only thing thats left is go postal.

  • Elijah Roland
  • kiran s

    My friend has borrowed 2 lakhs cash from me. i have given to him by applying personal loan as he has given promise of paying EMI monthly. but he didn’t pay at least one EMI. he used to work in a shop and i took cheques from him. i am keep on asking money but he always saying he will give tomorrow, day after tomorrow like that. From 2 weeks he suddenly disappeared he tries to escape from me. I found, he had few debts around his house and they got irritated with his behavior and are prepared for beating him. he is in touch on phone and he is always postponing day by day. If i want proceed legally by putting check bounce case he may not be attend to court. If found him how can get money from him. Did i betray by him?is there any chance of getting money from him?

  • joe

    I have loaned a friend quite a bit of money so she could get her inheritance her Father left her, now she wont answer text messages , emails or phone calls. What are my options to get my funds back because I have bills to pay

  • chris

    some people have no morals or respect for honest caring peoples feelings.you do someone a favour and help them and they don,t give a dam about about returning your money.these worthless scum are not worth knowing.they don,t deserve your frendship.dump them and move on

    • nancy

      Finding this out now but it can piss you off

  • angry

    So at waht point does one take legal action to collect the debt? and why do you not discuss that option?

  • A

    It varies by situation–every situation is different. If you trust that person, they will pay you back. If not then you shouldn’t have lent out the money in the first place.

    Lending someone money doesn’t and shouldn’t bring out hatred or name calling. On both sides of the lender and the lendee

  • Gloria Franks

    You cannot maintain a good relationship with someone who harms you, they have things they can sell, they can take out a personal or borrow it from someone else if they have any integrity at all but truth is they don’t.

    • Lynn

      Gloria, I totally agree with you. A true friend would offer $5.00, cook you a meal or do something to show how much they appreciate the help.

  • Flores Ruben Hernandez


    Are you tired of Seeking Loans and Mortgages, have you been turned down constantly By your banks and other Financial Institutions or micro finance scheme. This is to let you know with 100% guarantee that we Offer loans ranging from $ 2,000 to $ 500,000,000 at 3% interest rate per Month. We give out LOANS for developing business a competitive edge/business expansion.

    Be rest assure that We are certified, trustworthy, reliable, efficient, Fast and dynamic. and a co-operate financier for real estate and any kinds of business financing, we give out long term loan for 6 Month to 30 years maximum and all interest rate and calculate and allow to be pay annually.

    We offer the following kinds of loans and many more; We offer the following loans to individuals-

    *Personal Loans

    *Commercial Loans

    *Investments Loans

    *Development Loans

    *Consolidation Loans

    *Student Loans

    *Car Loans

    *Mortgage Loans

    *Acquisition Loans

    *Construction loans

    Business Loans And many More: If you are highly interested in our loan offer, kindly contact us via our e-mail id below. ( [email protected] )

    [email protected]

    Mr. George Coleman

  • shauna

    i was put on the spot when my so called friend came into town on a plane, said she had no money for a place to stay. me being a caring person loaned her 240$ for two nights in a hotel. she promised she would pay me back the following Tuesday, 2 weeks later im still stressing. now she is twisting it to me being a nasty pasty. how can I make her pay me back? my mother is sick and I want to go up to Darwin to see her but cos of low funds I cant….

  • alicia

    i am in a relationship with a man that was on workmans comp. unable to pay his bills i offered to help. its now a year later and about $12k that i have paid in bills for him. now i am strapped and unable to come up with money to pay for my own bills. i had that money in an emergency fund, he kept saying he would pay me back..he now has a full time job and has not once mentioned even starting to pay me back. i am growing more and more resentful every day. i thought i was doing the right thing and that he was a decent guy… guess i was wrong on the latter. i need my money back, do i have any recourse>

    • L

      Small claims. He’s using you dear.

    • Hffhjkk

      pull his all his lying teeth out

  • jc

    I’ve been burned by this more times than I care to count. Even the people you’d least expect it from, those who are otherwise responsible. It always starts with the best of intentions on their part (thanks!! I promise i’ll pay you back on time! No matter if I have to sell a leg!), then all the sudden the excuses begin (see also: imaginative stories), then they start ducking your texts / calls, then it gets to the point where the relationship is potentially damaged. Which sucks more than losing the money. I feel bad that they feel bad, but then that goes out the window when you see them out buying shoes and eating out.

    My advice to others is to try your best to avoid the situation to begin with. If they are someone who is having trouble financially, there is a pretty good chance that tacking on what they owe you on top of what they need anyway is just going to add up to you never seeing your money again.

    I have no problem just giving the money to people who legitimately need a hand and who will actually use it to dig themselves out — or especially those who are in a no win situation, but when it comes to co-signing, large cash loans, car payments and / or anything that is over a small percentage of a paycheck for them……you’re probably never going to see it again. It just is what it is.

    And the other thing to consider, especially with family members, is you are unknowingly becoming another source of solving what will likely be ongoing problems. It got to the point with my sister that she would call me 2, 3, 4 times a week asking for money. Finally just had to tell her “no,” no matter what. She eventually started figuring things out on her own.

  • Benjamin

    I borrow my brother $300 at the end of June last year for Rent help. Kept pushing off paying me back. Then in September, his wife was in Jail and the electric got shut off. Needing $2000 to restore power and having food kept safe in the fridge for his two kids, I gave him $950 towards it. Since, he has only made two payments equalling $150. Said he was getting a lot back on his tax return and will pay me then. What did he do? Took out a loan for a new car. I’m trying to do the same, but not gonna have enough for a down payment until I get repaid.

  • Oh man, oh boy

    Yeah down payment garage sale. Oh please, I am never getting my $ back :(

  • scorned!

    Some people don’t realize that the money they have vorrowed actually hurts the other person more. We lent money to a family member and trysted to be paid back, only to nearly lose the house and car because said person now refuses to even try!

  • alexia

    im never getting my money back either even if i be nice wont work.

  • friend

    yo it sucks to feel like that but imagine how it feels on the other side of the fence you will be waiting everyday telling yourself that you will get your money until it never hapens

  • sarah trotter

    I borrowed my friend £360 she was supposed 2 pay me back weekly but didnt and it had been 2 month so I asked her for past couple of weeks and then she got her back up and said I can go fuck my self im not getting no fucking money back I didnt swear at her apart from say I felt like she has took piss out of my good nature I dont know what to do I have 4 kids and bills and rent aswel but there is no way I can get it back

  • kt

    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve loaned my best friend money and she never pays me back when she says! One time it took 6 months. I always think I won’t loan her anymore but then I end up caving in. This last month I loaned her $170 when she said she was short on rent. She promised she would pay it back in a week when she got her check. I told her it was really important that I got it back on time because that’s money I don’t have to give and she swore she would. Well it’s been a few weeks now and I sent her a message nicely asking when she could pay it back. She said she would check when she got home and never said anything else about it. Now it feels like she’s avoiding me. I’m really frustrated because my power bill is due on the 28th and I won’t be able to pay it if I don’t get the money she owes me. I should have known from her past of taking so long but I away give second chances and now I know not to loan money again!

    • Tight wad

      First of all, you do not owe it to anyone to lend them money. Never, never, incase you haven’t read the first two words of this sentence , Never lend friends or family money. They know what buttons to push to manipulate you. The best way out is to just say, you are on a tight budget as it is, and it isn’t in your budget. One of my children asked me once if I had an extra $10. I told them I never have extra money.

  • Dakota Barry

    Cut the deadbeat off and make a habit of NEVER loaning someone money.

  • Addie2U

    I’m sure to your friend (& his family) it feels like you took advantage of the friendship. You should thank your lucky stars you had a friend that helped you out of a bind, the least you can do is at least pay him monthly!! Even if it takes 8 years ($100 per month) you need to pay him back!

  • AlaskanExpress

    My parents are always wanting my money. They cannot manage their own finances. My stepmom is a veterinarian and makes good money. My dad hasn’t worked in several months and is a compulsive gambler- blowing my stepmom’s entire check from time to time to “satisfy” this need. They told my girlfriend that since I have little monthly expenses, I don’t “need” the money back right away. They are missing the point. It’s now gotten up to $5100 and I desperately need that money. Moral of the story- DON’T EVER BORROW TO FAMILY, IT NEVER EVER WORKS OUT!

  • Visionery1 .

    I’m guilty on both counts… I’ve loaned money to family, and borrowed money from a friend to start a small ‘business’. Trying to get the money back from family was a long and arduous process … I started feeling guilty asking for MY money. The money I borrowed from a friend – in 1994 – I finally paid back last year. I had offered to pay back smaller amounts, but he wanted the entire amount. The loan was weighing heavily on my conscience… in the end I sat down and calculated how much the amount would’ve been worth had he invested it at a market-related interest rate, and that was the amount I finally paid him back. We’re still friends and I can now look him squarely in the eye without feeling uncomfortable.

  • Gibbs

    I’ve lent money to my friend half a year ago for a few hundred dollars. I’ve set a payment plan for him to pay me 50 dollars a week, which is easily manageable given he works a part time job. He’s giving me excuses about the money and doesn’t stick with the payment plan. He says he’s tight on money but I’ve seen him go gamble his money away and losing it than making me the payment. I’ve been patient with him the whole way and he’s just stalling me every week. Everytime I bring up the issue he comes up with another excuse and if I challenge his ego I know it’ll get into a huge fight and the chances of getting my money back without making the situation worst are small. I’m just frustrated right now over the situation and looking back on hindsight, I should’ve never lent him the money.

    • Anonymous

      He definitely sounds like a deadbeat or debt addict.

      Consider telling him that you’ll contact the IRS.

      Suggest that instead of taking lavish vacations (assuming that he does), maybe set that money aside to repay you.

      If he is in your will (which is doubtful), update your will by deducting the amount that he owes you.

      Good luck!

  • Elena Iehle

    My husband made a “short term” loan to a very trusted employee & friend in the amount of $325,000 to purchase land in a short sale. The employee needed the money right away and promised that he was in the process of cashing in retirement funds but it would take “a couple of weeks” to get the cash from the sale. It is now over 4 years later. Not one single penny has been paid back. Every conceivable lie and excuse has been used as to why the loan has not been paid. The employee recently relocated to the east coast without paying a dime and refusing to sign the land over. The statute of limitation in CA on a personal loan with a verbal agreement is 2 years. Any advice on how to get some or all of the money back (legally). I have considered threatening to notify the IRS for his tax evasion as he did not claim the $325k as income in hopes he will sign the land over to avoid legal issues with the IRS. Also, he hid the loan from his wife. Should I appeal to her as he clearly is a thief with no moral conscience?

  • Elena Iehle

    Speaking from the point of view of a person who made a loan that has not been paid back. Ignoring the loan, no matter how bad you feel is the absolute worst insult and betrayal to your friend who TRUSTED you! The best way to prove you’re not a total douchebag would be to offer to the friend, a WRITTEN contract showing the loan of $5k and a reasonable plan to pay it back. Even paying $20/week in a “good faith” interest only payment plan until you can pay off the loan in full would be so greatly appreciated. It is not your friend’s responsibility to inquire about the loan. It is YOUR responsibility to keep him informed.

  • nsalins2001

    325k!! That’s an insane amount of money. I’m not a lawyer but I would DEFINITELY consult one. And I would DEFINITELY tell the IRS IMMEDIATELY! Why are you being so nice to this guy? Did he save your life? Did he give your husband a kidney? Unless he did something something like that, then I would go after him any legal way possible.

  • bess lassuy

    This is great! However, what if you paid the family member back but they forgot and neither of you have proof? It is $400…while it is not astronomic, it is still quite a bit. Now the person refuses to talk about anything but not getting paid back. Also, they want to give me money for Mother’s Day! I’m so confused. I refused the Mother’s Day gift but now they are highly insulted…I can’t win here! Help?

  • Tyty

    Wow! Sorry mate I know how you feel. I just learned a golden rule the hard way; never to lend money to a friend or family unless I am just giving it away.

  • Tyty

    It’s sad really, how money shows you the true face of your so called “friends” or “family”! I mean, why can’t they just give it back, why??! I try so hard to help out a friend or a family in need with an attached promise to get it back in a week or two, so that I can get on with my tough little life, but never to see the money again!

  • kayleigh bennett

    This is great! However, what if you paid the family member back but they forgot and neither of you have proof? It is $400…while it is not astronomic, it is still quite a bit. Now the person refuses to talk about anything but not getting paid back. Also, they want to give me money for Mother’s Day! I’m so confused. I refused the Mother’s Day gift but now they are highly insulted…I can’t win here! Help?

  • Ronni

    If your family or friends ask to borrow money do not give an immediate decision. Remember; they have probably thought for a long time before asking you to borrow money. Spur of the moment decisions are not good in monetary matters. If you loan the money and then regret it right after doing so; it may cause you to have a resentment at yourself for not thinking it through. Are you going to loan it to them because you think they really need it or is it an ego building affair to look good in their eyes. A lot of things go into loaning money. Tell them; “I will need to get back to you about that. Give yourself some space. Even 15 minutes to think it through. Next; do allow anyone to pressure you as to when you will get back to them. I rate friends and family on a scale I made up from past experiences. I have $2.00 friends and family. Some are $5,10,100,1000 and so forth. This means I will allow some to borrow more or some to borrow less. Some get nothing! If someone needs money this month; they will need even more to pay me back next month! We all fall on hard times unless we are rich. I am not. I even carry Scrabble letters in my pocket of the vowels “A”, “E”, “I”,”O”,”U”,and sometimes “Y”. When homeless people ask me for change I reply- “I am so broke that I wanted to ask you if you would like to buy a “VOWEL”! It works! Homeless people are not all broke or poor or homeless ! If you decide to loan money make them sign a promise to pay you back. A child as collateral is also good. Not their kids;but a child of your choice from your immediate family. They must take the kid and keep him or her for at least 30 days even if they pay you back early. This worked well with our first son and taught many of our relatives patience and understanding of juvenile development before the puberty years. You can always say “NO” to someone asking to borrow money but that is kinda cold. Another way of saying no is;- “I wish I could help you out. You didn’t say yes or no but they will get the meaning to the effect that you said no. Best policy- Don’t loan money unless you are prepared to never get it back again.This way there will not be any turmoil if things do not work out. Good luck.

  • derrick

    Loans 3%, offered by putting a stop
    to your financial problems. business& personal loans, apply today We Offer all kinds of loan packages
    (Personal Loan, Commercial Loans, etc.) our Loan amount ranges from
    $2,000.00 USD to $50,000,000.00 USD and a re-payment period of 1 year
    to 30 years duration.

    Thank you