If you’re bringing debt, a home, a business, retirement savings, or kids from a past relationship into a marriage, start the prenup conversation months before the wedding. Writing one begins with each of you disclosing everything you own and owe. Even if you never sign, you’ll both know exactly what the other brings to the marriage.
A prenup’s reputation as a tool for the wealthy is out of date. In a May 2022 Harris Poll, 15% of Americans who had been married or were engaged said they’d signed one, up from 3% in 2010. Among adults who weren’t married or engaged, 35% said they were likely to sign one.
Full disclosure is the heart of a prenup that holds up. Under California’s Family Code, a prenup that was unfair when signed can be thrown out if one partner didn’t get a full picture of the other’s property and debts and didn’t waive that right in writing.
Giving that picture turns the paperwork into the money talk.
Trade written lists first: your savings and retirement balances, any stake in a home or business, every debt with its rate and monthly payment, your income, and your credit scores. Then compare how each of you actually spends in a typical month. The lists are worth trading even if you decide against signing.
Next, decide what you’d want a prenup to settle. It can set how property and debts are divided in a divorce and who inherits what if one of you dies. Depending on your state, it can also cap or waive spousal support. It can’t reduce child support. California’s Family Code, for example, bars a prenup from adversely affecting a child’s right to support.
If you go ahead, hire separate lawyers. California treats a prenup as signed involuntarily unless, among other conditions, each partner had their own lawyer or waived one in a separate writing. The state also requires at least seven calendar days between first receiving the final version and signing it, so finish the draft well before the wedding. Rules differ by state, and this is general information, not legal advice.
Schedule the first conversation this month, while saying no to a prenup is still a real option.
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