10 Reasons Why You Should NOT Lend Money to Friends & Family

friends family lend money“Neither a borrower nor a lender be.” These famous words came from Polonius, Shakespeare’s chief counselor to King Claudius in Hamlet. As Polonius gives some fatherly advice to his son Laertes, Shakespeare gives some timeless advice to us: Do not lend money to friends.

Why shouldn’t we lend money to friends and family? Polonius answers that in his next line: “For loan oft loses both itself and friend.” Polonius knew that a loan to a friend or family member often results in the loss of both the money and the relationship.

In fact, loans between family members or friends can result in an entirely unexpected set of problems. Consider the following 10 reasons not to lend money to friends and family, and some tips to help you with damage control if you do agree to loan money.

Why You Shouldn’t Lend Money to Family & Friends

I have lent money to friends and family members and borrowed money from family members and friends, and neither situation worked out very well.

I learned a lot from both experiences. Most importantly, I learned that I’ll never loan money to friend or family member again, for the reasons outlined here. If you’ve already decided to loan money to someone close to you, here are some tips to help you mitigate some potential areas for communication breakdowns:

1. Open-ended Loans
Loans to family and friends tend to be open-ended. The parties don’t reach an agreement for a timeline for repayments, and don’t include interest on the loan. Lenders don’t know when their money will be returned, and borrowers don’t know when to repay the loans.

This leaves both parties in limbo, and doesn’t set any expectations. The uncertainty can lead to stress as the borrower may worry that the lender expects payment and the lender worries about when he or she will be repaid. When I loaned money to a family member, it delayed my decision to buy a house.

Pro Tip: If you must lend money to a family member or friend, provide them with a timeline and a schedule for repaying the loan. The timeline provides a final deadline for total repayment of the loan and the schedule provides them with guidelines for making monthly payments. For example, “John, I’m happy to lend this money to you, but I’ll need the money repaid by December 31st. If you can pay me $200 every month, the loan will be paid off by the end of December.”

2. Loans Are Not a Priority
With an open-ended loan, the borrower may not realize that there is a sense of urgency to repay the loan. Without a deadline, repaying the loan becomes the borrower’s last priority. The borrower won’t face any repercussions for not repaying the loan, like late payments, higher interest fees, or a negative impact on a credit score. Without the threat of penalties, the borrower has no motivation to take the loan seriously or to put any urgency around repaying it.

Pro Tip: Talk with your friend or family member and let him or her know that repaying this loan needs to become a priority. Set a deadline for repayment to avoid any misunderstandings.

3. It’s Difficult to Ask for the Money Back
It can be difficult to request repayment of a loan from a friend or family member. More than likely, the lender cares about the borrower, and doesn’t want the borrower to feel awkward. The lender may continue to worry about loan repayment, and thus shut down some or all communications with the borrower in order to avoid talking about the loan. The borrower becomes confused and hurt feelings can result.

Pro Tip: If you have already lent money to a friend or family member and struggle with asking for the money, take the time to talk to the borrower to resolve the situation. When I had a difficult time talking to my family member about paying back a loan, I offered gentle reminders about the loan instead of asking direct questions. This made the discussions easier and less threatening.

4. It Can Make Family Gatherings Awkward
I have loaned money to a family member, and I have also borrowed money from a family member. In both scenarios, family get-togethers were very awkward. I felt uncomfortable being around the person who loaned me money. It was also uncomfortable to be around other family members who knew about the loans.

No one wants to talk about the loan or about money or even about anything that costs money, because then people might wonder why someone hasn’t repaid the loan.

Pro Tip: You and the other party came to a private agreement about the loan. Neither party should feel uncomfortable, but if family gatherings seem awkward, keep things lighthearted and steer conversations away from money.

5. The Borrower Becomes a Servant to the Lender
The book of Proverbs in the Bible claims that the borrower becomes a servant to the lender (Proverbs 22:7.) This is exactly how I felt when I borrowed money. I felt that I had to please my lender and do everything that he suggested. I felt like I could not oppose this person in any way.

Pro Tip: As a lender, I didn’t think of my borrower as a servant to me, and I certainly didn’t want my borrower to feel that way. If you think the borrower feels subjugated, try to help ease his or her discomfort.

fight money hands

6. The Borrower May Ask for More
Once you have lent money to a friend or family member, this person may return when he or she needs more money. In addition, other friends and family members may also ask you for a loan.

Pro Tip: Don’t become the go-to lender in your circle of family and friends. You should never be in a state of constant lending.

7. You Enable Instead of Help Your Friend or Family Member
When you lend money to friends or family members, you give them an easy way out of their financial problems, instead of helping them work through their issues.

For example, your cousin may ask for some money to pay off her credit card bill, but she needs help learning how to make a budget. In that situation, refuse the loan, but offer to help your cousin create a budget or to look for alternative forms of income.

Pro Tip: Put your friends or family members in a position that improves their financial situation as well as their understanding of money management in order to truly help them.

8. These Types of Loans Don’t Earn Interest
Loaning money to friends and family costs you money. Most likely, you won’t charge interest if you give a loan to a loved one. I neither paid interest nor charged interest on my family loans. If you could invest the money that you lent to friends and family members, even through peer-to-peer lending networks like Lending Club and Prosper, you could have received interest.

Pro Tip: Charging your friends or family members interest on loans might seem awkward, but it isn’t unreasonable. Obviously, the interest rate would be much lower than the rates offered by local banks or credit card companies.

9. You Might Need the Money
You definitely want your money returned, but you may also need your money. What if you lose your job and you have no income? What if you spend your entire emergency fund while searching for a new job? What if you need to put food on the table for your kids and repayment of the loan marks the difference between you keeping your house or going into foreclosure? Not receiving repayment of the loan in a timely manner might spell disaster for you and your family.

Pro Tip: If you have any hint that you may lose your job, or that any sort of personal financial downswing is on the horizon, don’t lend money to family members or friends. Tell them honestly that you have a tenuous financial situation, and can’t spare the money.

10. You Could Lose Your Money and Relationship
As Shakespeare wrote, “For loan oft loses both itself and friend.” If you lend money to a friend or family member, beware that you may not get your money back and your relationship may never go back to normal. This will cause tension between you and the borrower, and may also cause guilt, remorse, and anger.

Pro Tip: The risk of damaging your relationship should be part of the initial discussion you have about borrowing or lending money. For example, “Kathy, I want to help, but I’ve heard horror stories about family members lending each other money. What can we do to ensure this doesn’t happen to us?”

Final Word

Even though you want to be a good person, and you want your friend or family member to love you, don’t lend him or her money if you can help it. Gently refuse the loan, and determine the best way to help your loved ones, instead of enabling them.

Sometimes loving someone involves doing something that they do not want, and they may be disappointed or mad. But if you have their best interests in mind, you can rest easier knowing you won’t jeopardize your relationship. If you can afford to loan money to a family member or friend, have an open and honest conversation to discuss any potential problems with the loan. Most of the time, issues related to these types of personal loans can be quickly resolved with a frank discussion.

Have you lent money to friends or family members? What was the experience like? Would you do it again?

  • Karmella

    I haven’t been approached or asked, and I agree with your basic points. I am curious your approach for refusing – I am sure that refusing that kind of request is probably just as delicate as actually lending/giving the money and dealing with those consequences.

  • http://www.pfsdebtrelief.com Stephan

    i think this really shouldnt be a tough decision. If you trust your family and friend, loan the money with a set payback plan and everything in writing. If you dont trust them, and you need to be honest with yourself, dont lend them the money. I have no problem loaning to anyone in my immediate family because we have a great relationship and i know i can recover the money when its due.

  • http://www.yourfinances101.com/blog David/yourfinances101

    There are not too many good things that can happen by lending a friend or family member money.

    Plain and simple.

    However, I would do my best to help out a friend or family member locate other lending optionsto get the best rate.

    Or help them somehow so they don’t need to borrow the money.

  • Gareth C

    I disagree.

    [3. Some people do not take a loan from a friend or family member as seriously as they would with money from the bank.] I’d like to start with this point because it’s usually where it begins. As long as you treat it very seriously and make it look official like a promissory note with consequences for paying late or not paying it at all, your friend/family member will be responsible. I am speaking from experience with about 15 loans that I’ve only made to friends and family.
    [1. You will never want to ask for the money back.] If you’re worried about recovering your money then take collateral and tell your friend/family member that if you don’t receive all your money with or without the agreed interest, than you will sell that item(s) on X date. No if and or buts :). This again bring seriousness of the loan. Your family member/friend needs help but you shouldn’t get screwed in the process…
    [2. A loan can harm a relationship forever.] It can or can even make it better knowing that there is help around the corner and WHAT IF you needed help from that friend or family… What then.
    [4. Loans to friends and family always seem to be more “open ended” than they should be.] Only if you let them be.
    [5. They will probably come back for more.] It’s true, some do. Say No or make a new loan. Treat it seriously and so should they.

  • Ben

    If a friend was in dire straights and needed help, and I was able to help them out, I sure would, no question. If you are going to haggle over repayment options and finance charges with friends or family members, well, you’re not really being a true friend.

    I just hope that if you land on hard times, that you still have friends or family who aren’t as stingy as you are.

    • Telling As It Is

      Ben….you’re wrong. Point-blank wrong. I appreciate your thoughts….and in a perfect world, all that need help and get it, do the right thing and repay those that so unselfishly helped them. Guess what? Doesn’t happen all the time. In fact, from my own experiences and of those who have commented, most do NOT repay back the kindness extended to them from their friends and family. So whose really not being ” a true friend”?

  • http://www.greenandchic.com/blog Carla | Green and Chic

    On the flip side, I never asked for money from anyone mostly from fear that I may not be able to pay them back if something were to happen to me and the relationship would sour. Though I have seen family/friends loans that were successful, it would not be something I would do (on the end of the borrower).

  • Nathaniel

    I lend to (and borrow from) friends and family all the time, sometimes thousands of dollars either way (with family), and I’ve never had anything in writing, any set payment schedules, or any problems with repayment. Lending to your boyfriend/girlfriend, however, is another matter. And never rent to someone without a rental agreement in writing.

  • Sarah Caldwell

    Over a 15-year span I lent $30K to eight friends (at interest) and never lost a dime. The biggest difference from the article is that I offered–they didn’t ask. When I learned that they were paying outrageous interest rates for legitimate purchases, I offered to let them “re-negotiate” their loans with me, at an interest rate between half and a third of the rate. (Always more than I’d earn in a guaranteed investment.) My financial adviser wasn’t too thrilled, but even he admitted that some years return on those loans beat the stock market.

    The gratitude factor is more likely here because the offer usually came out of the blue. BTW, I didn’t share that I loaned money to friends because some of my dearest friends aren’t good credit risks. For those people, I’d give what I could afford to lose.

    Loan documents, signed and notarized, are a good idea because everyone feels more secure that way.

  • so_over_it

    I have a brother that I have been helping financially for years. Not significantly huge amounts of money, ten dollars here 100 dollars there but he never offers to pay me back. In all honestly I gave the money with the expectation of never seeing it again. Finally one day he asked me for money and I was unable to give it and I haven’t hear from him since. I feel very used and unappreciated, to think that our having a relationship was based on my giving him money really saddens me. I never thought that would have happened to us.

    • whyisitthat

      the money trained dried up so he moved on!

    • Dogtickman

      I had the same problem with my brother and cousin. As soon as the well runs dry they no longer call. Very sad sitiuation!

  • Ccnmemphis10

    My husband has a niece that asked for money when she was moving. He trusted her and said that he knew she would pay him back when she moved and sold her house. I had asked him not to loan the money. We are not rich and cannot afford to lend that much money. But he did lend it with the assurance that we would get it back. We haven’t! We won’t get it back. That is apparent now. She has not even attempted to contact us about paying it back. Their relationship is ruined. I guess, ours it too. I loved her and her family and this is how we are paid back?? Sad. Never lend money to a family member if you want to keep the relationship with that member!!

  • Anonymous

    After I read the comments and after I thoroughly thought over I am disgusted how some people treat their relatives. You help them and they never repay you.Also, when someone sees you have a little bit more money or you got a rise the immediately think you should buy gifts , loan money and what not. Maybe your plan is to save money without giving explanation to everyone.

    I am especially irritated when someone who is lazy asks you to financially help them. It is easier for them to trick you than to work hard.
    Live within your needs not within your means It means don’t spend every penny , every month. Don’t try to impress others.Listen to music for free on Youtube, trade on e-bay, eat less, exercise at home, buy used car, stop watching TV all the day and work on your career or your hobbies.
    If you come to situation (except when someone needs money for the health reason or some disaster) that you broke , than you are probably doing something wrong.

  • http://www.squarepennies.blogspot.com [email protected]

    Absolutely true. Even if you loan money with the unspoken thought that it’s really a gift & you don’t expect to ever be repaid, it can be a problem. You see the borrower spending an amount of money almost equal to what you lent them on new furniture just a few months after you’ve lent them the money! You bite your tongue and vow to never let it happen again. At least they never asked to borrow money again. Enabling indeed.

  • Rashad


  • Dave

    Yea, I have learned this myself. Little fucker needed money to get to a new job and he would pay me back with the first check. No it has been 2-1/2 months and the ass will not return my calls. I new better, but I took a chance. He dates my girl friends sister and going to family functions is going to be a nasty place to be.

  • Aitsondnt1

    I loaned $600.00 to my best friends daughter. She promised to pay me back when she got her income tax return. That was 7 years ago. When I confronted her about it when I learned she had used the money to upgrade her car, she treated me as if i was an unthoughtful person not wanting her have a better car.

    I will NEVER loan money to anyone again. I hardly ever got the money back when I made loans.

    Now she is wanting me to do her daughters braces for free. …Not going to happen.

    • Casey Slide

      Good for you. Don’t give in because it sounds like a bad situation.

    • Lenny1261

      Iv’e loaned money to lots of people never been paid back by any of them It seems thier
      memory get bad when it come to loans ill never loan again aswell

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004458187394 Tony Sanchez

      she can pay with her as just tap that a couple of times and the loan is paid

  • blh13sb

    I am worried that when I’m done with nursing school and start making a decent paycheck that a few of my family member who aren’t well of will come asking for my help. Just thinking of this stresses me out. I know they will ask for money, not as a loan but as a gift. Just gimme gimme. Some of my family members who know how to manage their money and actually help themselves I would be willing to help. But a few members in particular, are in the rut that they are in because they put themselves there and won’t do anything to help themselves. My sister actually puts people through guilt trips if they don’t give her what she wants. I’m actually dreading finishing school and making a nice living for myself because I know she will make me feel crappy if I don’t help her.

  • Alex DeQuestions

    Moocher deadbeats are too smart to ask for a gift, so they ask for a ‘loan’ that they have NO intention of ever repaying

    Have some fun with these losers…. ask them what they have for collateral. Most of these conners won’t even know what collateral is, let alone have any. And just wait for the expression on their face when you explain that, sure, you’ll ‘lend’ them a few Bens, but first they gotta sign over the title of their car to you and give you a copy of the key so you can repo it when they default

    Since 99% of these clowns owe money on their car and thus don’t have a title, that usually ends the discussion right there. But if Dog Forbid they actually take you up on it, keep the vehicle’s registration in their name until you actually grab the car and need to sell it… this avoids assuming liability, mandatory insurance laws, etc ….

    • Jonas

      Jesus, it’s a real shame that your friends are con artists and deadbeats. Perhaps the problem isn’t loaning money, maybe it’s that you need to pick better friends. I don’t have a single close friend that I would not trust enough to loan money to.

  • Alex deQuestions

    Follow-up to my comment immediately below ….

    One time a cousin of mine was just about to sign the title of his car over to me when I mentioned that if he defaulted, I wouldn’t actually drive off with & then sell the vehicle

    Instead, I would drive it a few towns over and park it in a tow zone … by the time he figured out where it was, he’d owe that municipality tow & storage fees that would be many times over what he owed me … and THEY would demand payment or he could just start walking anywhere he wanted to go

    • Casey Slide

      Every one has their own methods for how to refuse “loans”. Thanks for sharing!

  • Mace

    So true. I’m never lending my money to anyone anymore after learning from a bad experience with my own family member.

    • Creativecbt123

      I understand exactly .. I loaned 2000 pounds to my sister two years ago and she makes me feel bad about wanting it back has bad mouthed me to people and I never hear from her and know I wont get it back ..

  • Creativecbt123

    My advice regarding loaning money to family is a most definate DON’T. I did and will regret it forever… I repeat DONT DONT DONT

    • nomorelendingliza

      It appears that the lender is never a priority in the borrowers eyes, that is once they’ve got the money in their clammy little hands.

  • Jlgbrandon

    I loaned my brother $20,000 and it’s been nothing but problems, and have pretty much lost my brother over it. All the above is so very true and if I would of known I was going to lose my brother over this loan I would of never givin it to him.

    • Casey Slide

      Eek! $20,000 is a lot of money, and I am so sorry this has happened between you and your brother. I hope things can be worked out. Good luck to you.

  • Telling Like It Is

    From my experience, do NOT loan money, EVER, to family or friends. Some may pay you back (usually only partially), some later, some never, and others will conveniently “forget” about it. I repeat, do NOT ever lend money to family and friends. It will be a hassle, a heartache, and do nothing but create problems. Am I a pessimist? No way! But I am a realist……and there’s a difference between the two.

    • Florida

      yes, its happened to me,only partially and others forget about it

      • middlesexliza

        It just happened to me, the family member told me they couldn’t pay me back because they needed the money to pay for something else. With the exception of my children and my grandchild I will never lend money to friends or family. If I choose to give my sister money if she is in need we’ll just make it that way up front.

        • James

          That happened to me too…. My sister borrowed £2500 of me… And when he came to borrow the money, she and her husband were all so sweet, and its been almost 5 years and they have no intention of giving it back! After asking them so many times they only gave back 600….. And now they bought a new car, but everytime we ask them for the money, the reply is…. Oh we are so tight right now, we’l give it back when we have any some! And yet we see them spending so much on unneccesary things. I feel ashamed of asking again and again… Until stopped asking them. If you want to spoil a relationship…. Just lend them some money. You’l never see the person again! So learned never to lend money to no one.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004458187394 Tony Sanchez

          good way to test a person let them borrow 60 to 100 set a date they will pay you back and just wait and see what they do. if they give you back the money early and with a little extra well that is someone you can trust a little more and they can borrow a other 60 to 100 dollars. if they never pay you back the was the best investment you ever made and you lost a little money but you have gained knowledge on how the person really is. I wouldn’t even ask for it but never let them even think of borrow more money from me. to my friends and coworkers I live by the “Good fellas” way of thinking fack you pay me your mother just died fack you pay me you lost your job fack you pay me…..

  • gary012

    I received a “loan” from my parents to help me buy a home. They said they wanted to just give me the money, but legally (for tax purposes) they had to set it up as a loan which they would then “write off” a portion each year as a gift between them. I asked a ton of questions beforehand, as I did not completely understand why the loan if the money was a gift. At the time i knew nothing about gift taxes or charades like this to avoid them. When i discovered how the whole thing worked and that the only thing that “payed off” the loan was hand written letters “forgiving” the payments owed I freaked out. I mistakenly thought something was filed on their taxes each year decreasing the note, which would’ve been cut and dried. This thing was far from that. They eventually did file a gift tax return, but this thing has really affected my trust in them and it has affected our relationship still. It’s better to be above board in situations like this. If it’s a loan make it a loan, if it’s a gift, promissory notes confuse the issue, both parties should know what they’re getting into. Getting involved in this convoluted thing is my biggest regret.

    • Casey Slide

      Wow, that sounds really confusing. But thank you for sharing a story for the other side. It’s interesting to hear how receiving a loan (or gift) from a friend or family member can also be a bad thing.

  • MrPie

    Asking your relatives for intrest ? Are you serious ? I love my family and would be happy to help them out if they have a financial problem and they would help me out too, without intrest. If you would have a family, you would never post a stupid thing like this. Nobody asks for financial problems and it could happen to anyone, even you. If that would ever happen to you, you would be glad that they are their to help you out.

    None of your arguments (especially the pro tips) makes sense and you look like someone who has had very much trouble with loaning to people, but that is personal and your problem. You shouldn’t post thing like this on the internet because you should decide for yourself who you lend money to and who not(with a rental agreement you are always safe).

    I think you should try to make a better bond with your family and stop posting thing like: “don’t lend money to your friends and relatives” or “don’t eat your granny’s cake, it might be poisoned”
    cause it is annoying and unrespectfull to people who actually love their family and who would always be there to help them out of a problem, also the financial ones(without intrest ofcourse)

    • Casey Slide

      I’m sorry you find issue with my post, MrPie, but this is a shared opinion among many financial experts and advisers. And as you can see from the comments below, the vast majority agree and describe a bad situation they have experienced with loaning money. That’s not to say that one can not have a good experience.

      As for charging interest, that’s called tough love. Real love is tough love, not free handouts. Otherwise, how will your family learn to be self-sufficient instead of taking the easy way out? Enabling your family by loaning money is dangerous to not only you but them as well. I love my family very much, and I would die for them if I had to. But that also means I would not do anything to cause them harm or damage our relationship.

      • http://www.facebook.com/doniboydSimonson Doni Boyd Simonson

        I think that the point is that we must do all things with love, understanding, with prudence, and without judgment. 1. If we love someone we are not going to knowingly lay a trap for them. I mean if a person needs to borrow money, you as a possible ‘lender’ would only be creating a possible greater problem by putting this person even deeper in debt – he or she can’t pay back what he or she already owes. 2. I understand that at times we all need help or assistance. When offering assistance we do it with no strings attached. We help others not as some sort of business deal – friends and family are not a business proposition – they are family. So yes, never give a loan to someone who is family or a friend. You ‘give’ the money (assistance) with no expectations of ever getting anything in return. It’s called a ‘favor’ – an act of kindness. So you are all right – don’t lend – simply give – if you can. 3. Now if my immediate family is strapped for money, I don’t think that it is wise or prudent to take from the mouth’s of one’s own children to feed other mouths. What you do is share. If you have it – give – don’t lend. If you don’t have it to give then you simply don’t have it to give. My point is if you have an excess of something – don’t lend to a needy friend or family member – just share it – give to them, and don’t ‘ever’ make a business deal out another’s pain or suffering. 4. By creating a lender-borrower situation among family or friends by lending them money you have set you and them up to become enemies. I mean you know the history – one becomes the servant and the other the master – it just happens. So why do it? If I see a friend or family member in need, I don’t wait for them to come to me for assistance – I go to them, and if I can, I help them – and without asking if they need my help – I just do it, and without judgment, and without any expectations of being paid back. A final note: Simply smile and make us all look a little more wonderful. I love you guys. I wish you a long and happy life.

        • Casey Slide

          Great comments, Doni!

    • your conscience

      Struck a cord with you didn’t it. Who do you owe money to?

    • http://www.facebook.com/jana.e.jordan.3 Jana Essengeldturnschuh Jordan

      Family will be there to ask for help because they feel you are obligated to do so (just because you were born into that messed up family… they will NOT help you in return and they will NEVER pay you back … fact based!!!

  • jeanna

    If you recognized this person Jean Sahmout or Jean Samut either Jhon hayes, Dangerous, he borrowed money and run away …His background half Lebanese/france

  • Fastjetta69

    I loaned $3000 to a good friend of mine a few years back, because he needed a car to get to his new job as a mechanic. He spend a lot of money on tools whenever the tool truck would come by the dealership, and that became a bigger priority. The first month he paid me back 500. After that, he didn’t pay anything back for a while, and I would only talk to him when I showed up at his work. Finally, he said he’ll have a check for me the next day for the remaining 2500. When I went to get it, he said take it and don’t ever talk to him again.

    • Casey Slide

      That’s a shame, especially since you did get your money back. You’d think he’d appreciate the fact that you had to wait a while for your money and that you were a good friend to him. Good luck to you, and hopefully your friend will realize how kind you have been to him.

  • Cati1101

    Great article! I have had many issues with loans over the years with my friends, mostly under $100, but its such a weird situation. It almost always works out as the loaning friend turning into the bad guy and it is just not enjoyable to be around the borrower as soon as he/she starts procrastinating. I have damaged multiple friendships over loaning (I am always the loaner) and will always try to avoid it from now on.

    • Casey Slide

      Sorry to hear that your lost money and friendships, but good for you for not loaning for now on. Good luck to you!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Pui-Ho-Lam/100000969078743 Pui Ho Lam

      Then damage it. They are not the ones to be trusted. Little money shows whether they’re true friends. It does not even hurt my feeling when I see one of these scumbags. They are absolute disaster and you really should not be close to them.

      I just hope that does not change your personality much. When there is someone who really needs help in this wicked world, I hope you’re there and be helpful. And I hope that person is worth helping.

  • WhoMe

    Old post i know but one way to not get into this situation

    Dont tell people how much you earn, if you have nice stuff like house car and look like your doing well you can still say your money is tied up in XYZ

    But if you tell people you earn $x,xxx a week or how well your doing they will know your the one to ask

    • Casey Slide

      That is great advice!! Thank you for sharing that!

  • Dogtickman

    I am at the point where my Mom thinks I am stingy because I complain about how much money is owed to me! I am greatful to this article because I always end up on the losing end when I lend family or friends money! In the past week I gave my mom 80 dollars, my brother 60 dollars and my cousin 100 dollars! This has t stop. I have not heard a word from any of these family members. IM DONE!

    • Casey Slide

      Sounds like it’s time to put your foot down on the issue. Just do it cold turkey. Good luck!

  • Hulxter

    I agree with Cati1101. The loaner always looks like the bad guy when it inevitably comes to the point where the loaner has to confront the borrower about repayment. Every time I have lent even a very small amount to friends, it has invariably damaged the relationship. Now I’m in a relationship in which my SO often asks to borrow money. I offer to GIVE it, but I will not lend. This is too important to me. But it seems I can’t win; my SO gets offended when I try to explain this.

    • Casey Slide

      For some reason, some people do not understand the concept as well as others. Maybe the people who understand it best are the ones who have been burned. Stand your ground, and keep being persistent! It’s the best thing if you want to maintain the relationship.

  • Hulxter

    I agree with Cati1101. The loaner always looks like the bad guy when it inevitably comes to the point where the loaner has to confront the borrower about repayment. Every time I have lent even a very small amount to friends, it has invariably damaged the relationship. Now I’m in a relationship in which my SO often asks to borrow money. I offer to GIVE it, but I will not lend. This is too important to me. But it seems I can’t win; my SO gets offended when I try to explain this.

  • Binalinda

    Loved your article, Casey! Like you Casey, I have been at both ends when it comes to the loan of money. I was recently asked for a four figure loan by a family member. The amount startled me a bit, but what startled me more was when they said that they didn’t know when they would be able to repay it. I told them that I was willing to help out but we would have to sign some form of a contract outlining the terms of the loan. They took offense to this and accused me of not trusting them. I haven’t even loaned the money yet and there’s hard feelings already. Good grief. The way I see it and I hope MrPie takes note of this, love is love, but when money is involved, it’s business and nothing personal. I work hard for my money and don’t want to enable irresponsible behavior. Sometimes, it’s just best to say no if the relationship means that much to you. Sure, the family member or friend may be mad that you turned them down, but they’ll get over it and you will still have your relationship, rather than possibly losing both.

    • Casey Slide

      Oh wow, problems before the money even exchanges hands! So sorry to hear about your situation. Good luck, and make the smart decision.

    • Captivakjestine

      Here is what happened to me….thinking it was better to give money to a friend’s daughter with m.s. than to loan it, and never get it back anyway, I gave her $10′,000 to try to start over away from home at age 30. Within a month, her ” poor parents” announced they were going to Italy on a wine tasting trip, and the daughter asked me to co-sign on a house lease! When I said I didn’t want to do so, neither she nor her mother ( my best friend from high school and a pastor’s wife) responded to any communication from me. Do I feel used and abused! Just venting…..kristn

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Pui-Ho-Lam/100000969078743 Pui Ho Lam

    He is not wrong to have those thoughts.

    I believe we should eventually take away the money concept and share risk with everyone. It’s not like ages ago when we could possibly die of starving.

    It ‘s totally sustainable with the technology we have. We have the tech to control population and birth rates. In developed countries, we can provide enough food and accommodation to every single person. We have internet to keep people’s demand in various stuff in check.

    The only thing is motivation to work for even better life. This is not many people find motivating. Most people find money motivating atm. I don’t understand why when working for everyone and yourself is a much more satisfying goal.

    Going a bit off topic already. I just wish my ideals may come true.

  • Dee

    I see this is a very old post, but I just found it while doing a web search. I am a financially stable, single woman, age 38, with excellent credit, who made a recent decision to loan a man a signficant amount of money. I am very concerned at how distant our friendship/relationship has become and would love any honest advice!!! (I dated this man for five months before I offered this.) I’ve been teaching for fifteen years, give a portion of each paycheck to a 403B, don’t have any credit card debt, and own a home. I also bring in regular income from a part-time waitressing job, free-lance musician gigs and clinician work in my field (leading workshops, etc.) If I didn’t trust him and he wasn’t special to me, I would never have considered or offered this (yes, it was my idea). I didn’t have any money saved to loan him, but I was able to help him pay off a very high interest loan of his, by moving the debt onto a credit card of mine, that had a 0% offer. When the offer was up, I moved the debt to a loan on my 403B that has a very low interest rate. I set up free paypal accounts for both of us, so he simply sends me a payment through paypal online each month. He doesn’t have access to any of my accounts. I make all my payments myself & he simply sends me a payment each month online, so we never have to discuss it. I knew I would be fine financially even if something happened and he never paid me, so I offered to do this to help him raise his low credit score. (He was not as blessed to have parents like I did, that helped me establish credit.) He has paid me every month & I send him an updated spreadsheet/receipt/invoice each month. I am just very sad because I had NO idea that this would result in such distance between us. At first, he was shocked I offered & it was very awkward for me to discuss at first, but we agreed that this would need to be like a “business transaction.” He agreed that it was awkward to talk about, but said, “I just don’t want it to compromise us hanging out.” Well, it has. Our loan began seven months ago & we haven’t “hung out” in six months. This saddens me. I told myself that if I really cared about him as a person & for his well-being, than I can’t let any personal thoughts (what he thinks of me as a possible partner, etc.) affect my decision is doing what I think is best for him. I fully understand that God’s in control, but I would love to know if there’s anything I can do to help him feel better about this and just forget that this payment he makes online has anything to do with me as a person/friend. I would very much appreciate any insight or advice.

    • Casey Slide

      Dee – I think what is happening is normal. It sounds like he is paying you back, which is great, but the loan is hurting the relationship. The only way to know what is going on with your friend is to ask him. How much longer will he be paying you back? He will probably feel better once he is done, and hopefully healing will come then, but it doesn’t always. But like I said, talk to him about it. That is what I would do.

  • BC

    I have done much better than my family and as such I help my brother constantly; there are no loans or misconceptions. He has no problem taking my money and I don’t have an issue with him taking it. I am paying for the car he has now. Perhaps it is enabling, but any time I need something, he’s there. I moved to NY and wasn’t able to immediately bring my animals with me; so each week he drives an hour and a half to care for them for four days. Only family does that. Would he do it if I didn’t pay for his car? I can honestly, and proudly, answer yes.

    • Casey Slide

      He helps you in certain ways, and you help him in others. That is a good exchange, and I would tend to agree with you that this would be an exception to the rule. There is equality in what is being done for each other.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000097320460 facebook-100000097320460

    Why You Shouldn’t Lend Money to Family & Friends

  • http://lyrici.com/ Lyrici

    First of all very well written Casey

    I had few bad experience giving money to my friends and family mostly they never return me, they will promise will give on time, afterwards when i ask the money they will shout on me, sometimes feel sad also giving money and getting their bad words and all.

    Some friends are there borrow and return before the time.

    @ WhoMe : Dont tell people how much you earn

    I completely agree with this sentence don’t ever say anyone how much you are earning, if they know that’s it

    • Sophie LaFontaine

      Well, don’t trumpet how much you are earning, but if someone finds out, you can still firmly refuse to loan them anything.

  • Kaejike

    My father has been “borrowing” money from me for years. The money comes from school refund checks. Now he “borrows” from my little sister’s refund check. It has hurt our respect for him and I defintely have resentment. I know it is a recession but this is ridiculous. He is a self-employed attorney and I feel that he could make ends meet if he worked harder. It is always some excuse with him and he thinks that he’s perfect. He has spent thousands and paid nothing back. He claims to need it for bills, but I know that some has been spent on beer and other things. On top of that, he shows almost no respect towards us. I am done with it and will have a direct conversation with him next time he asks. It’s uncomfortable for a totalitarian dad to ask for money.

    • Casey Slide

      Sorry to hear you are going through that. Unfortunately, it sounds like many of the stories people have posted. Put your foot down and do what is best for yourself because it will also be what is best for him. Good luck!

  • Shari

    I love my family to bits and I would do anything for them but I just wish things were different, I am the one that always helps my family out financially, I wish there was someone else who could help as well. I know sometimes I can be an enabler but most times my family really does need the help and I can’t watch them suffer.

    My dad is self employed and business is really slow at the moment that some months he doesn’t earn anything and my Mum does not work. We are a family of 4, I’m the oldest at 32, I have a 25 year old sister and twin 13 year old brothers. Over the last 4 years I have given my father, over 30 thousand pounds to help with mortgage, food, bills etc. I also usually pay for clothes, school things, school trips etc for my brothers. My sister works for my Dad and she doesn’t always get paid on time or at all so I pay for her dance and phone bill plus a few other stuff. If we go anywhere I always pay. In additional I have lent several thousand pounds to other relatives. I feel guilty for feeling sad about giving money to my family but sometimes I feel this huge financial burden on my shoulders and that if I don’t help my family out we could lose our house or starve. I can’t let that happen to them. Why I feel even more sad about the money is that all my savings to buy my own house is all gone and I can never save any money because I always need to help my family out. I would love to move out but I couldn’t afford to rent and help my family at the same time better to use that rent money to help them.

    I know my Dad hates asking me for money and sometimes he will default on the mortgage rather than ask me.

    My family rarely buys things, most of the stuff in our house is old, we are just unlucky I guess. What worries me now is that now my savings are gone, I can’t afford to help my family as much and I don’t know what will happen in the future as I don’t see their financial situation improving.

    When I was at my previously job It wasn’t so bad as I could afford to help them, rent a place and save money but lost that job due to job cuts and I’m earning half what I did now.

    I’m not really asking for advise but just feeling really low at the moment and want to offload.

    • Casey Slide

      I’m so sorry you and your family are going through that. I recommend that you keep reading Money Crashers and other similar sites to get ideas on how to save money and make money. These articles may give you some ideas. Good luck!

  • Liero

    I don;t understand what is wrong wtih me. I live in my parents house ( im 20) and I drive thier car sometimes without filling up gas, and I still feel immensely bitter about how much I have loaned my Dad. It is up to $22,500, and I just want to have any of the money I ever earned stay with me. I’ve never really bought anything expensive or frivolous because I am always worried about when the next mortgage payment is due. I also feel like the money I need to spend on university has to go through my Dad, as he asks for the money, and then repays a small portion of it when I am broke and need the rent. I want to move out and stop feeling indebted by living in his house, but can’t because I don’t have enough money.

    • Casey Slide

      Sounds like you are in a situation where you need to move out on your own, for your sake and your dad’s. If money is an issue, consider rooming with a friend. You could also get another job for temporarily while you are trying to make this change. Good luck to you!

  • mary jane

    I doubt very much I will do it again…I did not have purity of heart from the beginning. I resent the fact that my friend who claims to be a great communicator does not mention it. He would not permit this to happen to him. I have been burnt too many time.

  • C.Aillon

    Maybe I’m the odd one out here. But, in my family and culture (Mexican-American) I was taught and grew up believing that you put your family and community before yourself (within reason, of course). I can understand not loaning money to family if they are addicts or cannot control their spending. This is simply enabling bad behavior and poor choices. But if a family member’s back is up against a financial wall and their choices are foreclosure, bankruptcy, homelessness or something similar, then who else can they depend on? If your family can’t help you out when times are tough (and I don’t mean bail you out of poor choices and fund poor habits), then who else will? Family is forever. My parents sacrificed everything to raise me right and ensure that I had a comfortable life and lived without fear of financial ruin. I would give every last dime of mine to make sure that they lived the rest of their life comfortable as well.

    Sidenote: I don’t have children, so I guess I can’t understand how that would impact financial obligations. But I still believe if my parents were desolate, I would take them into my home with my *future* family and never think twice about it.

    • Mimmie

      Yes, “Family is forever,” but what kind of relationship will that family have when one party owing the other slacks off on a clearly defined and set-up plan for repayment? Our son-in-law did that to us. After a small percentage of what he borrowed was paid back (not willingly or promptly) my husband and I decided to “forgive” the remaining thousands that were still owed us. We have very modest resources, but we made the loan because our daughter and her entire family desperately needed a roof over their heads. Her husband works, but even so, we forgave that debt and said so in writing. Then we FORGOT it in the sense of not letting it trouble us at all. What is their reaction now? They treat us as if they despise us, as if thinking that we are running their lives. Trust me, we have bent over backwards to mind our own business. They don’t respect our old age; they seldom affirm us in anything we accomplish, even though we have always tried to commend them when they succeed. I am convinced that our son-in-law despises both of us. It is all so “one way” with them. The son-in-law just recently offended me by insulting my husband’s physical appearance (behind his back) for no good reason at all. Our daughter doesn’t seem like the sweet girl that we raised. We have to compliment on her on whatever she does, while she deliberately refrains from offering us reassurance. Do younger people not know that the elderly also have emotional needs? Right now I am just so heart-broken and wonder if our relationship will ever be comfortable again. By the way, we are all Christians. I pray for a good resolution to this latest hurt. Thanks for letting me get this off my heart for a short time at least. I strongly advise AGAINST loaning family members anything more than a few dollars when they are out of bread or milk!

    • robert hingston

      If your can help others with money only do it as a gift..

  • marshy50

    We lent a friend £10 to buy some gas they said they hadn’t budgeted properly and would give it us back on Tuesday when they had there pay check. They didn’t return it. We had to go without the following week as we budgeted to getting back as we are poorer than they are.. I didn’t like to ask for it back. But what really riled me is when I went round to see them they were showing off all the luxury items they had bought themselves.. I am not even sure the money was for gas now or a just subsidy for a drinking habit. I have really fell out with them big time over it as I think they have taken advantage of our good nature. I wouldn’t do it again. Perhaps I am being too over sensitive ?

  • Joseph

    Great article.

    I’d suggest to never lend money to anyone. If you feel that the person really needs it (i.e has nothing to eat…) then give them a reasonable amount and help them find a job or wish them good luck. Simply pretend that you’re using all you money and that you have family members you care of. Believe me, no one will return the money they borrow from you, and you’ll just destroy your relationship.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sylunedarkchylde Jyl Carson

    True, but some of these are kind of selfish. “Don’t gain interest”? That’s kind of sad, don’t you think; that we would think of money matters more than what the other party’s situation is?

    Besides, the bottom line is, don’t lend money if you know you’re going to be in trouble at some point. If you’re on a tight budget, and your friend/family needs a huge amount of money (and you just happen to have it at the time), just don’t. Only lend what you can spare. At least, when they don’t pay up, you gain two things: 1. Don’t lend money to this person again, and 2. At least you didn’t lend them enough to cause damage to yourself.

    Lost money can be earned back; it shouldn’t be the deciding factor in any relationship, imo.

  • Nicholas

    Polonius’ advice was considered ironic, as he is seen as foolish. Therefore, the authority you invoke is misplaced. Most of the reasons you list, are not reasons to lend money to a family member, but merely why you might make more, or lose your money.

  • Rexx Thunder

    I didn’t loan money to a friend, but I sold him an item I had that he wanted for significantly less than what I could have sold it for. He gave me a check and I forgot to cash the check and lost it. I told him I lost it and needed the money. His response was “too bad sucker”. Luckily I found the check. This guy still thinks he’s my friend. I think this is the last straw.

  • SlowAndSteady

    I’ve lent money to friends, co-workers years ago. Though I was happy to help at the time, I won’t ever do that again. I never have, nor will I ever lend money to direct family members or cousins. If you know how some people spend money living outside their means, they ultimately do not deserve assistance. They may end up in some form of bankruptcy, in which case someone ends up bailing them out at great expense. Some of these even know how to game the system. This is different from someone who tries hard, is honest, and is truly needy. Sad to say what kinds of people are out there in this world.

  • vanillasteve

    It is amazing how people figure out a way despite you being the ‘last resort’. My thinking is, if I was not here, or did not have the money to loan you you would do something else, right? Right. So go through life this way. Politely say, I don’t have it to loan. That’s it.

  • fool

    I’m in financial duress currently. But when family from out-of-state called last week with an auto emergency, I sent a few hundred dollars despite my own situation. Today, I learned the family spent most of the day driving from mall to mall so my sister could buy a dress. I feel like such a fool. I thought they were on their last dime, but they’re just using me.

  • shell

    I would not do it again! I recently lent $1600 to a family member and then learned of the many people and companies they owe money to! Now i have no idea when i will get it back as they are in real financial trouble.

  • gratitut

    I recently have a good luck spell cast on me by Therapist Oniha and I want anyone to tell me how it use to work because still I had this spell cast on me different companies has been coming to me for me to work with them and I do not really know which of the companies is the right one for me and I’m so happy because since last 7months I lost my job and I have been looking for job and I was unable to get one for myself till I had this spell cast on me. And I also thank Therapist Oniha for his help anyone in need of help with spell I will advise you to contact him on this email and i also learn that he helped people solve their relationship problems also: [email protected]

  • Jenn Whitford Palumbo

    I have two family members who rely on another family member to help with their bills every month. Here is what bugs me about it: THEY DON’T GIVE ANYTHING UP! They still have expensive dinners out, drinks at the bar, concerts, seats at major sporting events, clothes they don’t need etc. Shouldn’t one be at rock bottom before seeking help? Shouldn’t one at least try to pay their own bills? The two people I am speaking of are also extremely cheap when it comes to gift giving. Extremely cheap! They are two of the most self-centered people I have ever met!

  • Garcia Alfredo

    HELP!! Im in a verry hard situation at this momment and need help so please reply back ASAP! Here it goes , my husband and I have our money saved and really want to buy a house in the future we have 2 kids and he has 2 jobs Im a stay at home mom but manage to save our money yearly. Well story short my husbands brother asked him not me for 5 grand!! Yea 5 grand because he is buying a home for his family 5 kids this was a cell phone conversation which he never mentioned me at all.He needs the $$ for a deposit but he is also asking other people for $$ hes honest so Thats not the problem the problem is I realy dont wanto it hurts me lending that much money and for it to to probly never come back :( Hes married and his wife hasnt talked to me atall about it PLEASE need advice .. Samy .

    • SISTER I

      no, unless you are going to write it off as a gift if he fails to pay it back. given the fact that you are a stay at home mom and you and hubby have been saving, you need serious talk with hubby as to how you’d feel if its not payed back and you have a gap and delays due the gap caused by the lending, ask yourself are you going to be resentful towards your hubby, brother in-law ,is the lending going to cause a split between you and hubby ?remember blood is thicker than water ,how much he may love you ,his brother will always be family! MY PERSONALTAKE DO NOT LEND HIM THE MONEY IN THE LONG RUN BOTH FAMLIES WILL BE FINE. what were his plans regarding housing his family of five?I.E. PRIOR TO GETTING MARRIED (IM SORRY IF HE LOST HIS JOB BUT IF THAT IS NOT THE CASE HMMM GO FIGURE… )iS YOUR HUSBAND A SWEET KIND SOFTIE ?IF SO PROTECT HIM FROM FAMILY VULTURES!!! OOOOH PLEASE ULTIMATETLY YOU GO PRAY TO WHOMEVER YOU CONCIEVE GOD TO BE FOR GUIDANCE AND YOUR INTUITION WILL LEAD YOU…

      • samy

        Sister 1 thanks for the advice but he did loan them the $$ and I don’t know when he will pay back its been 4 months and they haven’t bought the home and they seem to have money since they go on vacation and out to eat frequently with 5 children. I feel sad and disapointed , sometimes I feel like leaving my husband since they brag on facebook about all their vacations and he seems not to care and persists on his brother payinh back soon :'(


          You will never see that money again.

  • Sister #4

    I have lent $10,000 to my sister with interest, payment plan, and signed agreement. I got it back early and with extra interest. She did not ask for the loan…I saw her need. If she had asked, I would feel awkward and used. I later loaned her $5000 with no interest and didn’t care if she wanted to wait 10 years to pay it back but that had ties to my parents’ estate anyway. She didn’t ask for that either. I now have another sister in need but don’t feel I can offer her help as she is in too deep for me to see it helping her. Yes, I would lend money again but it must be my idea and not the other person looking to be saved. I only asked for a loan once. It was so hard to do and I still cry thinking of how I felt asking. (Father asked if $100 was enough so I said never mind and that I would ask my sister. She had to take it from her kid’s college savings. This is not either sister I spoke of earlier.) I think it was about $500 to $1000 but I was ashamed and thankfully never had to ask again. I paid it back in four months. My dilemma now is how do I help the sister that’s in too deep.??

  • Holly
  • used sibling

    I once lent out money to my brother and he has never refunded back the money it’s been years. Now my sister is also requesting that I lend her money. Am not ready to loss my savings to my siblings and the way I now my sister, she won’t refund me my money.

  • NN

    Whenever I lend money, I lend a quantum of money that I can afford to write off… When I take money, I always pay it back with interest.. never repay just the amount borrowed… When I am not able to pay in time… No doubt, they don’t behave the way that I could have preferred or behaved… But never to lend money to friends and family will make the life very very artificial, there could no charm in it…

  • Rose61104

    I loaned my brother and his wife over $2200 for a late house payment and was told I would get it back by the following week. Guess what? All I got back so far was $500. Now I really need that money and every time I text or call them, no one answers me. I can’t even get a payday loan!

  • Nicole
  • james

    My Name Is Wilson Lee I want You all To be careful there.nobody can help you here or even suggest how you can get financial help.any answer of a loan lender to your question,you MUST ignore,because they are SCAMS…real SCAMS…i was a victim of which i was ripped thousands of dollars….Well thank God for a Santo Loan firm,I was referred to by my cousin,who is by name,Mr.Clara jones Of Santo loan firm Inc.They made my life a valuable one,and gave it a meaning.I was approved loan of $95,000.00 USD AND IN 48 HOURS after meeting up to their necessary requirements,my loan was deposited in my bank account.Though I was very nervous with the loan firm at the first place due to my previous bad experiences,especially when the issue of me settling the transfer charges came up,I hold on to my faith due to the fact that my relative referred me,got it cleared,and as God should have it.little did I know that my financial shortcomings has come to a final HALT .If not for that quick referral from a relative of that genuine source ,I would have regretted my total life,because at that point in time I just divorced the father of my daughter,and my daughter (joy) was faced with a ” between life and death ” situation ..I was faced with her hospital bills and was also faced with foreclosure at my apartment.Details of the GOD SENT and RELIEVING source won’t be disclosed to you for now, for fear of impersonation ( because it has being discovered that some persons are not really in need of financial help,but are there to impersonate real loan lenders through their phone numbers and email accounts,and acting to be them where necessary to those in real need)…I couldn’t comment on your post because it was a public place and I fear you would fall into the hand of all these fraudulent loan officers (even in US) like how they ripped me off.You must be able to convince me real hard,and provide good proofs,before I can give you the full details of this legitimate loan officer..Their charge is very affordable and reliable compare to many out there,their interest rates just 3%,little documentation,and little credit check(irrespective of your credit score,but you MUST have a good and liable income source) His Name is Mr Clara jones Feel free to email him at his via Email: [email protected] ” and you will be free from scams. thanks as you read the greatest testimony of my life.

  • RI76

    Please do not do it. I also learned the hard way. I loaned a high school friend $1,000 that went from repayment in summer 2013 to October 2013 to November 24 and now to probably never. The article is absolutely accurate. People are selfish and do not care.

  • Foolish Cousin

    I have another perspective on why you should not loan money to family members. Over the years I loaned money, including as much as $30,000 and $10,000, to about 6 extended family members. Because of a few factors, a major illness for my child, investment losses and an expensive divorce, i have gone from flush to near broke. I approached these family members to lend ME money and they all said no. I am furious. They all know my circumstances, they all know how i got in this position and they have all come to me. now that it is my turn, they have turned me down. I hate to say i now realize that they are treating me the way I should have treated them. I WILL NEVER LEND MONEY TO A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER AGAIN. right now I can hardly stand to talk to any of them since they have let me down this way.

    • salmankhan

      fuck’em now you know how they reallly are

    • Willow

      I know the feeling. I loaned my granddaughter 4,000.00 dollars to help her out of a bind for a student loan. Two years later she has not paid it back and will not answer me I asked her to repay it.

    • typeav

      did they paid you back ?

  • Mr Calvin

    Are you need an urgent loan? Do you need any kind of loan to start up a business? Do you need a loan to buy a house or a car? Or do you need a loan to pay your bills or to take care of your self? If yes email us today at ([email protected]) and get your loan..

  • Rahul Mehra

    In Bangalore, I met one girl online on facebook, she became friendy very quicky i met her few times and she sounded very genuine. after few meets we became close and then she started discussing her financial issues and one by one she took money 4-5 times promising to return next month after salary but now its 1 yr and I never got that money. I also lost her as a friend (or whatever you call). i wish i would have used her too the way she did with me :(
    Same thing happend i went with my good friend for dinner and his cousin was there along, she got very friendly with me and we used to spend lot of time on chat.. one fine day she wanted to buy a mobile phone and she asked me to swipe a card for her and she will pay in monthly EMI to me.. i happy did it again and since then i was blocked on facebook, whatsapp and all place!! this is so ridiculous.. Similarly I had 3-4 incidences. if its guys you can shout and take your money out.. girls get very difficult with recovery – you loose money, friend and peace of mind.. NEVER lend money to GIRLS, unless the transaction is done with public or with the knowledge of her friends-families. Its not a gender-biasedness its my very personal experience, i have lost “hundred thousands”.. here i am paying credit card bills and those girls are not even bothered about that, i see them prospering and shopping on money though..

    • salmankhan

      that was really stupid of you.. i hope you have learned form it and dont do it ever again…

      • Hamlet

        That’s not nice of you to say – the person feels bad enough as it is.

  • Raul Miller Miller

    I have loaned $$$ to friends and family and it was never returned. However that was small potatoes compared to the hole I dug for myself when I co-signed a student loan for my nephew. I was told that he wouldnt graduate. I wanted to help him, however that was approx 10 yrs ago and getting him to make a pyment has been like pulling teeth. In addition it has had a negative impact on my credit. So as a caution to everyone DONT CO-SIGN FOR ANYONE

  • vera williams

    I am Mrs Julina from Canada, i want to share a testimony of my life to every one on how Dr Mukoko ([email protected]) help me reunite my marriage back. i was married to my husband Williams Jack, i love him so much we have been married for 6 years now with three kids. when he went for a vacation to UK he meant a lady called Mary?, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don’t know what to do until I met my friend miss Lina and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr Mukoko who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 3 days. Miss Lina ask me to contact Dr Mukoko. I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by Three days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After three day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr Mukoko on any problem in this world, he is very nice man, here is his contact [email protected] He is the best spell caster who can help you within three days. ( [email protected]) please him know that it was Julina that refer you to him.

  • Member

    Hello every one please i will like to talk about the goodness of GOD in my life after so many months of trying to get a loan on the internet and was scammed the sum of $1,800 i became so desperate in getting a loan from a legit lender online then a friend told me that there is a legit loan company where he got his loan fast and easy without any stress so he introduced me to a Man called Mr Daniel Jones who is the CEO Fidelity Loan Firm, So i applied for a loan sum of ($60,000.00) with low interest rate so the loan was approved and deposited into my bank account that was how i was able to get my loan, so i was able to pay off my bills. i am advising every one who is interested in getting a loan fast and easy to kindly contact them via email: [email protected] as well, So thanks as you read the greatest testimony of my life story and thanks be to GOD almighty for his goodness upon my life. I am Olivia y by name you can email to confirm [email protected]

  • User

    Hi everyone here. What Christine Coleman said is very true though i may not know her. I experienced it first hand also. It was this organization called fidelity loan firm (f.l.f)that really helped me to pay my medical bills when i was in dare need of money because i am a widow. A friend of my also directed me to them. when i was about to do a major operation and i had no money at that time, they came to my rescue and in less than 48 hours, i got my loan. But to say the truth, i was nervous and scared at first because i have been scammed twice. But when i summoned up courage and follow their lending policies along with my friends advice, at the end i found myself smiling. If not for them, maybe i would have been dead by now. I have even taken another loan from them start my business after my recovery which i am also paying back now. My only advice now is that any body who is really in need of loan should contact them with their email via: [email protected] and get a loan from them. Thanks.(Olivia)

  • Tami

    Are you in need of a loan? Do you want to be financially stable? Or do you want to expand your business? We offer company loan, auto loan, business loan, and personal loan at a very reduced interest rate of 3% with comfortable duration which is negotiable. This offer is open to all that will be able to repay back in due time. Kindly get back to us if interested with this Email: [email protected]

  • Tami
  • User

    I am Engr Edwin by name, A born citizen of New Zealand, But due to my business i reside and i live in Canada. I have to tell the world about what pleased me most about my experience with fidelity Loans, It was their fantastic low rates of granting loans to the world. I compared their rates to other title loan stores locally and online, and theirs was the lowest i found. Their service was courteous, professional, durable and above all complete. fidelity loans were Prof Daniel Jones is the head of the department of grant loans, Many thanks to you and your team for finally granting me my dream loan amount i have searched for months back. Thanks again to you all, I mean the entire staff of Fidelity loans. Without any benefit of doubt in me, I will want to recommend this loan firm that has really surprised me with my loan amount after meeting up with there terms and conditions without any form of scam activities. There email is as follows: [email protected] to anyone in need of a speedy and secure loan.

  • Malissa Delh

    Hello, I am Malissa Delh, currently living in New jersey city, USA. I am a widow at the moment with three kids and i was stuck in a financial situation in April 2014 and i needed to refinance and pay my bills. I tried seeking loans from various loan firms both private and corporate but never with success, and most banks declined my credit. But as God would have it, I was introduced to a Man of God a private loan lender who gave me a loan of $85,000USD and today am a business owner and my kids are doing well at the moment, if you must contact any firm with reference to securing a loan without collateral , no credit check, no co signer with just 2% interest rate and better repayment plans and schedule, please contact Mr James Lewis. He doesn’t know that am doing this but am so happy now and i decided to let people know more about him and also i want God to bless him more.You can contact him through his email: [email protected]

  • Selina01

    I want to share my testimony and my happiness with you all in this site, last year my husband left me for another woman in his working place and he abandon me and my 2kids, everything was so hard for me because i love him so much, so i saw the testimonies of priest okpobo how he has been helping ladies in getting there husband back so i contacted him and he help me to cast a return spell for my husband and in 4days my husband left the other woman and he come back to me with so much love and caring. i will never forget this help that priest okpobo gave to me and my children.if you are here you need help to get you lover back you can contact him through this email [email protected], i am proud to be on his testimony page


    Hi everyone here. What Christine Coleman said is very true though i may not know her. I experienced it first hand also. It was this organization called Santo loan firm (S.L.f)that really helped me to pay my medical bills when i was in dare need of money because i am a widow. A friend of my also directed me to them. when i was about to do a major operation and i had no money at that time, they came to my rescue and in less than 48 hours, i got my loan. But to say the truth, i was nervous and scared at first because i have been scammed twice. But when i summoned up courage and follow their lending policies along with my friends advice, at the end i found myself smiling. If not for them, maybe i would have been dead by now. I have even taken another loan from them start my business after my recovery which i am also paying back now. My only advice now is that any body who is really in need of loan should contact them with their email via: [email protected] and get a loan from them. Thanks.(Olivia)

  • Malissa Delh

    Hello, I am Malissa Delh, currently living in New jersey city, USA. I am a widow at the moment with three kids and i was stuck in a financial situation in April 2014 and i needed to refinance and pay my bills. I tried seeking loans from various loan firms both private and corporate but never with success, and most banks declined my credit. But as God would have it, I was introduced to a Man of God a private loan lender who gave me a loan of $85,000USD and today am a business owner and my kids are doing well at the moment, if you must contact any firm with reference to securing a loan without collateral , no credit check, no co signer with just 2% interest rate and better repayment plans and schedule, please contact Mr James Lewis. He doesn’t know that am doing this but am so happy now and i decided to let people know more about him and also i want God to bless him more.You can contact him through his email: [email protected]

  • cherly23

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  • Guestu

    My name is Mr Henry Josh and i live in the USA California and life is worth living right now for me and my family and all this is because of one man sent by GOD to help me and my family, i once had a life filled with sorrow because my first SON needed a kidney transplant and all our savings were going towards his medications and this normally leaves us with no money to pay our bills or even put enough food on our table and our rent was due and no funds to pay these bills and life felt so unfair to me and every night my wife will cry herself to sleep every night until one day, i was browsing through yahoo answers and i saw a striking advert of a man that gives out personal loans and that the offer is opened to all and i have heard so many things about internet scams but at this point of my life, i was very desperate and ready to take any risk and at the end of the day, i applied for this loan and from one step to another, i got my loan within 12 hours through bank transfer and you know, it was all like a dream and i called Mr Daniel Jones A Man who is the GOD sent lender i found and said, i have received my loan and he smiled stating that to GOD be the glory and i was so shocked as i have never ever seen anyone with such a GOD fearing and kind heart and today, i am the happiest man on earth because by GOD’S grace, my SON kidney transplant was successful and today he is healthy, i and my family are living very comfortable and happy and if you are in my former situation or in serious and legitimate need of a loan, you can reach this GOD sent lender via [email protected]

  • Lottie

    Any thoughts on the following would be greatly appreciated. I lived with my girlfriend and her elderly mother for 6 months. Originally I was only supposed to stay for 2 weeks but after my girlfriend and I got together it turned out to be much longer. Before it was established that I would be staying for a while I lent them £300. Very early on in my time with them, they had to move from one council house to another. So I lent them money to help with the move and buy a few things for the new house (which needed ALOT of work). Total amount lent was near on £900. Got back £200. Remainder £700. During this time I lost my job and was out of work for two months (three before a paycheck came in). Once I was earning again I spoke with my girlfriends mother about contributing towards the running of the house. She said she didn’t want anything but the deal was that I would look after my girlfriend and her as is my natural bent to do. So I didn’t pay anything but I certainly contributed in other ways. Washing, ironing, shopping, cooking, back and head massages for my girlfriend, suppoprt and a listening ear. I was told that I would get back the money and each month my gf said that I would get £100. However, there was always a reason not to pay it…..the house still needing work, etc. Despite having offered to pay twards rent, this loan has not been guilt free so everytime I asked about it I felt awful. I stopped asking. I just let my gf come to me everytime she wanted to postpone payment again. As with many people here, it feels like the lender becomes the bad guy and I certainly feel it. I am now not living there (as per my plan to eventually move out). We are still together. But the loan was still there. In the end I couldn’t handle the hassle or guilt. They didn’t want rent when I was there but still the guilt asking for my money back. So I wrote it off. I said to my gf that I had decided to let it go. I got a text from her saying thather mum wouldn’t mind taking me up on the offer. My gf asked why I had changed my mind. They are short on money (a little bit of bad money management in there). But did either of them say thank you No they didn’t. I had bad feeling before I wrote it off. And now I have bad feeling because I am hopping mad. Do I have a right to be angry. I lived there rent free even after offering them money. So is that £700 truly mine and I have right to be angry or is that money ‘theirs’ and I should shut up and not expect thanks. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated ten thousand fold!

    • http://www.charcoal-ink.com/ Kagem

      Your situation sounds extremely stressful. Of course the £700 is yours but since you have written it off, best to let it go and move on. Give us an update!

    • Sophie LaFontaine

      Since your anger is not going to change anything, I would just let it go. What does it matter if you have the “right” to be angry? The anger is now just harmful to your health. Just consider the 700 as the rent you would have paid to live there. Also, so they did not thank you. Did you thank them for letting you live there rent-free? If you did, you are more gracious than they are. And then I would drop the gf too… she sounds like a flake, if she continuously said each month that you would get 100, and it never happened. Just on principle, I would not be able to tolerate such a relationship. (and if you’re wondering, I AM divorced, and the cause was …MONEY)

  • Mrs pilaiter waiter

    My name is Mrs pilaiter waiter and i live in the USA California and life is worth living right now for me and my family and all this is because of one man sent by GOD to help me and my family, i once had a life filled with sorrow because my first SON needed a kidney transplant and all our savings were going towards his medications and this normally leaves us with no money to pay our bills or even put enough food on our table and our rent was due and no funds to pay these bills and life felt so unfair to me and every night my wife will cry herself to sleep every night until one day, i was browsing through yahoo answers and i saw a striking advert of a man that gives out personal loans and that the offer is opened to all and i have heard so many things about internet scams but at this point of my life, i was very desperate and ready to take any risk and at the end of the day, i applied for this loan and from one step to another, i got my loan within 12 hours through bank transfer and you know, it was all like a dream and i called Mr Tony Harton A Man who is the GOD sent lender i found and said, i have received my loan and he smiled stating that to GOD be the glory and i was so shocked as i have never ever seen anyone with such a GOD fearing and kind heart and today, i am the happiest man on earth because by GOD’S grace, my SON kidney transplant was successful and today he is healthy, i and my family are living very comfortable and happy and if you are in my former situation or in serious and legitimate need of a loan, you can reach this GOD sent lender via [email protected]

    Mrs pilaiter waiter

  • http://www.sfi1.biz/12993645 Roosevelt Rmccain

    I started this company and now I’m able to Lend my family money, it really works!

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  • Henry Westwood

    I was been suffering hardshiply from HIV/AIDS since 9yrs now, and i happen to have 2 kids for my husband, and now we cannot proceed to have another kids all because of my disease and now i have do all what a human like i and my husband can do just to get my disease healed, i have went to several places to seek for help not even one person could ever help, until i melt a comment on the daily news paper that was commented by Miss Marilyn about how this powerful traditional doctor help her get cured of the disease (HIV-AIDS) ” my fellow beloved” i firstly taught having a help from a spiritual traditional healer was a wrong idea, but i think of these, will i continue to stress on these disease all day when i have someone to help me save my life?” so i gather all my faiths and put in all interest to contact him through his Email address at [email protected] , so after i have mailed him of helping get my disease cured, i respond to me fast as possible that i should not be afraid, that he is a truthful and powerful doctor which i firstly claimed him to be. So after all set has been done, he promise me that i will be healed but on a condition that i provide him some items and obeyed all his oracle said. I did all by accepting his oracolous fact and only to see that the following week dr agumagu me on my mail box that my work is successfully done with his powers, i was first shocked and later arise to be the happiest woman on earth after i have concluded my final test on the hospital by my doctor that i am now HIV- Negative. My papers for check are with me and now i am happy and glad for his miraculous help and power. With these i must to everyone who might seek for any help, either for HIV cure or much more to contact him now at these following email now, Email: [email protected]

  • Mrs Rosemary

    Hello everybody, I am Mrs Rosemary,currently living in Dallas TX,USA.I am a widow at the moment with three kids and i was stuck in a financial situation by January 2014 and i needed to refinance and pay my bills. I tried seeking loans from various loan firms both private and corporate but never with success,and most banks declined my credit. But as God would have it,i was introduced to a private loan lender by a friend named Jack Morrison and i got a loan sum of $10,000USD and today am a business owner and my kids are doing well at the moment. So dear,if you must contact any firm with reference to securing a loan with low interest rate of 3% and better repayment plans and schedule anywhere in the world,please contact Mrs Jane Morgan she doesn’t know that am doing this but am so happy now and i decided to let people know more about her,she offers all kinds of loans to both individuals and companies and also i want God to bless her more. You can contact her through her email via: [email protected]

  • Sykes

    Alternatively… I have a pesky cousin, always asked for rides, favours and generally not a pleasant person. I “loaned” to them a very small sum of money and years later have yet to see them again. Very small cost to get rid of a turd from ones life forever.

  • Binaley Salami
  • darren

    I have lent money to friends and family before and never got a cent back, all I got was more requests for money. Also I have a family member that asks for money, $20 here $40 there, and never pays a cent back. So needless to say, as a rule I don’t lend money to friends and especially not to family anymore. If you don’t want your hard earned cash back, and don’t mind if you grow to dislike these people then go for it.

  • Hamlet

    I lent my ex-husband $3K b/c he was fighting to get full custody of his child. Well, of course, two months later, we broke up and he “promised” me that he’d pay me back and never did. I found out later on that he owed over $15K in back child support. I spoke to the mother of his child and she said that he could have used the money to keep himself out of jail. He made out a false tax return – and tricked me into signing it (I was from Canada – not the US), so the IRS sent me letters that I owed them over $3K at the time, but I didn’t. It took me over two yrs. to get Innocent Spouse Relief. He told a mutual friend of ours that he is completely careless with money – and how I paid the bills on time and made sure we had a roof over our heads. I even lent him $300 so he could get his car back from a towing service; however, that money must have been for a car payment b/c after we split, the car company was looking to repo his car. The mother of his child co-signed a car for him and he totaled the first car, and then he didn’t come up with the payments for the 2nd car and that got repo’ed. In fact, he owes $$$$ to a lot of folks out there and he was a thief – he took the money that his bro and his wife gave us for a wedding gift and made it look as if they didn’t give us anything and he forbid me to confront them about it. He has no remorse for what he does – he is a sociopath.

  • ehisnoni


    This powerful White magic love spell is tailored to bring your lover back in your arms permanently and with no delay. I use the best spell casting techniques to make your lover come home. This spell is customized to your situation and deals specifically with the barriers that have risen between you and your ex-partner. One by one, all obstacles will be removed until your lover realizes that leaving you was a mistake and desire nothing but coming back into your arms.you can also contact him in is email address [email protected]

  • ehisnoni

    I ordered a spell on a friday night and on Monday the place I applied for a job called
    for me to come by their office. They gave me the job I applied for and made me an offer of more per hour than I have ever made in my life! I am so happy! The government jobs sometimes are a slow process. You somehow managed to speed up that process, and I start in just a few days! dr,kokotemple i will be forever grateful thank ones again ok you can call on him for help on his email address dr,[email protected]

  • cadi2

    We just gave a close relative $500, we didn’t loan them which I am glad about considering all the advice I’ve seen online. However, after we gave them the money, thinking they needed it (they always seem to be broke, have 3 young kids and we were feeling bad for them ), they told us they were going on a vacation in a few months, and also both have I phones (not cheap) and drive 4 plus hours regularly to visit other relatives (really to have fun as it’s a resort area ) and gas is not cheap. SO now I get the picture-they both work but they totally mismanage their money and live from paycheck to paycheck. We learned our lesson…can’t help feeling “used ” though.

    • http://www.charcoal-ink.com/ Kagem

      That’s disappointing, it’s also important to look at someone’s spending personality before lending.

      • babucarr

        oh yes my dearest teel her or he to come for me here at gambia

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  • Sophie LaFontaine

    Wow, I am very lucky. I have loaned money to a friend and the biggest loans were paid back. However, she kept asking and asking for more loans and finally I couldn’t handle it anymore, and I made up some stupid excuse (that I was trying really hard to pay off a long-term debt – now this was also true, but the real reason is simply that I hate loaning) and it was very difficult (I know she needs it) but I did tell her that I would no longer be able to loan her money. Next thing I know, her son asks to borrow money. This time I said I would not loan him anything, but I could give him a gift of $40. I’m sure he was hoping for more, but I absolutely abhor loaning. From now on I will not ever loan money to anyone ever again. It makes me feel a little sick and nauseated inside.

    • LWTBP

      That’s another weird thing about lending money: if you DO get it back, then the person feels you SHOULD lend them more money in the future as they have proven themselves.


    Do you need a loan? if YES contact us via email: [email protected]

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  • Lending feeling

    Lending money I have discovered causes bitterness and when the borrower complains about their continued financial blunders,and I the lender have given again just ruinined a friendship cause of bitterness and feeling used.i actually gave the person a large sum of money as a gift and then lent their adult child a large sum of money.i just feel used and finding out how that family is always spending above there means .Lesson learned and feeling sad

  • KJR

    Have learnt our lesson. Let money to friends, took forever to get it repaid. Made things really awkward and then the friend disputed how much he had paid back after he saw me write it down and keep track of it at each repayment, he initialed each payment. Also paid for items for a family member because they couldn’t afford the up front cost and was told it would be paid back by next pay, haven’t had mention of it since. Its only a small amount, under $200 so might as well just write it off. Annoying when you see they are buying things for other people though!

  • jcextra

    I lent over $9300.00 to a person who wasnt even my friend. It was a person who every week had some type of bad luck story. He used me in order to get what he could out of me by giving me these sad hard times stories. The only reason I lent him the money is because he had a job at the time and was working for one of the premier ad agencies in the Dallas Fort Worth metroplex. At first it started out as needing money for gas to get to Dallas. Then it elevated to needing money for rent. I paid this guys rent for 3 months in a row and I paid his gas and even for hotel stays 3 times out of town, because again, He made me think it would be the end of the world for him. I have a giving heart. The guy reminded me of a situation I had been in years back where I wasnt able to get help from anyone. I didn’t want to do him like others did me. Now it is time for him to pay me back everything he owe’s me and I can’t find out where he is for the life of me and I don’t know how to get my money back. This guy really played me for a damn fool, but this is LAST TIME anyone will play me for a fool like that. The reason i kept giving him the money even though he had a job was because his direct deposit, or so he claimed kept getting rejected by the bank. He said one time he went to cash his check but that he had to take care of an overdraft at the bank. Had he not taken care of the overdraft, according to him, he would have paid me then. Then when he had another pay check come through, he said they sent that to him on his GreenDot Moneypak account, but for some reason he wasn’t able to get that money delivered to him as well. So now that’s two paychecks and still no money. Then he says, he has to go on another trip with his job, so me being the stupid bitch that I am lent him some money to get a hotel room with promises that he would pay me the third time, but this time, he said they were coming to repossess his vehicle and that he needed his cell phone on. So i paid the cell phone bill and all of the fees to try to help his car from getting repossessed. Then he tells me something went wrong with his pay check again. BUT THIS TIME, I called the Fraud abuse hotline. I was so damn tired of him giving me the run around, that I had to call a criminal investigator, but still to do this day I don’t have any of the damn $9300.00 and now the asshole says that they auctioned off all of his stuff that was in storage. That’s what he gets. and I WILL be getting my money back soon. He will not get away with this. That was my unemployment money so I really didn’t work for it, but still the state determined it was mine and I’ll be damn he gonna take it from me like that.

    • David

      Well, needless to say, you got took. I don’t say that to rub it in, but it’s clear you were taken advantage of, and that you permitted it for quite a long time. It’d be one thing if this person were a close friend or family member, in whom you’re deeply invested, or have some other sort of meaningful connection with, but I struggle to think what your motivation could have been if the guy was, ultimately, a stranger. As you wrote it here, my internal alarms would have been going off at the very first request, as the details don’t seem to add up. I mean, how would someone with a job at a premier ad agencies NOT have money for something as basic as gas? And to have madesuch a request of someone who wasn’t even a friend of theirs would strike me as inappropriate. By the time you got to the point of lending him money for rent (THREE TIMES IN A ROW???!!!), you really should have known better. Shysters always have a story. Beware the stories! Don’t get sucked in! The longer you listen to their sob stories, the more ammunition they have. You have to cut them off! Don’t even LISTEN to the story! This guy sized you up; saw that you were receptive to his stories; sympathetic, and then proceeded to use you. Perhaps it made you feel good to help someone. Perhaps there were other reasons. Whatever the case, you have learned a costly lesson. I hope you get it back (though honestly, you probably won’t).

      • jcextra

        Thank you at least for hoping I get the money back. I was going to take a vacation with some of the money, and try to help my 17 year old niece get her a car next year and perhaps put some toward her education. I also was going to take a vacation to Las Vegas before i met the creep online. It was just a pathological liar feeding on a vulnerable mind having been unemployed. I was looking for someone to connect with and now I may not be able to really help the ones that truly matter the most to me at a time of year where helping them is so precious. I now have to go to rental assistance programs through local churches in my area and have had to depend of food banks to get food until my job starts to paying me regular full time 40 hours a week paychecks but I’ll make it. This shyster thinks he has conned me but guess what, he has actually CONNECTED me to a chance to win $40 million dollars one day. His bad deed has ensured insured that I will win a Jackpot one day because GOOD KARMA is an investment I made when i helped him and he stumped me and left me out in the cold to feast on my own but i will get the BIG LAUGH by this time next year. I will be laughing all the way to the bank and I won’t trust anyone else who has a story to tell.

        • Wanderer

          Did you win?

        • jcextra

          Soon I will be winning and coming into a large sum of money. The fact that you inquired about this post confirms that. Thank you for that. In 17 months, I will be winning a large lump sum of money that will be the reward for all of my choices.

        • Wanderer

          I hope you will, in Islam we have a belief that everything you do will have consequences, and if you do something good in this world Allah will reward you for sure, either in this world or the next, nothing is lost or meaningless even small things.

          What you did was definitely out of the purity of your heart, it will be rewarded with the best of things Insha’Allah(if it’s the will of Allah) sooner or later, so rejoice my friend, you did a good thing and you should be happy.

  • Tammy Fitzgerald

    Took out a student loan of about 10 grand to my niece who was going for a 2 year course in medical assistant phlebotomy. She went though the entire course, found a new boyfriend and decided not to finish the program. Of course we started getting student loan bills that we paid. We finally got her to start paying on the loan and that lasted about a year. She had a baby with the boyfriend and decided that this was not a reason to pay us. My husband finally went to see them and they started paying us about half the loan payment monthly. this lasted about another year. They got married (another excuse to not pay us and we gave them a cash gift). another 6 months and she started paying a little again every month. By this time I finally grew a backbone and called an attorney. He said that as long as she is making payments, it invalidates the 7 year moratorium of taking her to court for a small personal loan. Well guess what she had another kid about a year and 1/2 ago. Have we seen a payment NO. But my husband has been tallying up the amount that we’ve paid after her payments and its now about 12 grand or so. Now my attorney is saying that she’s out of the small loan category and we can sue her for the whole amount. And guess what we’re going over her house to give her and ultimatum, Pay or go to court. PLEASE DON”T LEND MONEY TO ANY RELATIVE FOR ANY REASON, YOU WILL REGRET IT.

  • greek_dude

    a friend moved to another apartment and had to pay 2 rents as a deposit, but had enough money only for one. she asked me for the money she was missing, aka 300 euros, and i was stupid enough to lend her, knowing that she is out EVERY NIGHT, spends 12 euros for sure for her drinks daily, visits the hair dresser twice a month and buys new clothes every other day. She agreed to return the money within a month, the month passed and she said, she only had half of it. So she gave me 150 euros and told me she would give me the rest 150, 50euros/week. The first week she gave me 50, and ever since she always finds an excuse and asks me to give her some time for the rest 100 euros. its been almost a month, i really doubt i will get the 100 back, plus i remind her every now and then (which is sooo annoying, makes you feel tha bad guy), and i heard that she is saying to our friends that i am a heartless person who has no respect on her troubled finances and forces her to give the money back. In the meantime she is out every night, drinking and showing her new hair colour. I mean… give me a break. as soon as i get those 100 euros back (hopefully), I AM NEVER GONNA LEND A CENT TO ANYONE!

  • Will Jacob

    This Junkies friends of mine has played me fool time after time. The guy owe me 370 pounds. It’s been months that he has promised to pay back. Sadly He haven’t pay back nothing. I been through a lot with me. To convincing to conflict. This steroids junkie scam bugs really frustrating me over and over again. I was stupid of me to help him out a lot during his financial problem. I have caught him cheat my money numerous time when I lend him my money. The guy love to smoke marijuana a lot. I was so fool and blind. If he doesn’t pay me back soon. I’m going to lawsuit him at college to sort out the debt. I will never made this mistake ever again in my life. God save us from these people !!!

  • Zahida Jahan

    i have lend me to a friend, now it’s like i’m borrowing from him, every time we have to lie or make excuses to get our money back, ppl don’t realize and don’t appreciate your help. the best thing is never lend money to any one, you’ll get no headache.

  • John1945

    Famous New York gangster of the 20’s Arthur “Dutch Shultz” Flegenheimer
    devised an iron-clad method of collecting debts from the deadbeats.
    Debtor takes the life insurance and indicates Mr.Flegenheimer as the
    beneficiary.Somebody has to pay after all.It worked just fine until
    Mr.Flegenheimer untimely demise.

    I hope it will help.

  • Sleeping Beauty

    I had to ask for money to a friend ONCE while I was a student because I had literally run out of money. I promised I’d pay him back 2 weeks later. I kept my promise. That was it.

  • jeff

    my name jeff

  • know-it-all

    In 2008, I lent around $50 to a high school friend (in my country its not a petty amount). she doesn’t have a stable job as a private tutor so i told her to pay it back when she already has the money. months, years have passed… we normally see each other at b-day gathering of common friends, i never had the courage to ask her. then i see her facebook posts about her activities like going to kpop concerts and stuff, it makes me wonder “what am i to this person?”. In 2010, I randomly texted her my bank account number. i never got a reply nor payment. when i met her again at a get-together, we were chatting about a topic (i can’t remember) when she made a comment like “being stingy about money when you had so much” without being particular. i thought this person is totally shameless. it was not like i was ripped off my life savings when she didn’t pay me back, but now whenever someone tries to borrow money from me. i prejudge them and think this person will not pay me back.

    As for my friend, she now has a regular job at a public high school and still active at going to kpop concerts and even hosting kpop events. for some other reason we also became distanced, but now i remember her as “someone i shared a classroom with in high school”.

  • http://www.sergeyrusak.com sergeyrusak

    You missed one point. The borrower repays later in small portions or favors but the lender never actually see the money back. For example: you give $500 cash right out of your pocket. The borrower pays back the loan in little contributions such as paying for your dinner, giving you a concert ticket, paying in full for a cab ride, asks not to buy him/her birthday gift etc.

    • babucarr

      hello my dearest how are you doing nice to meet you my name is babucarr mbye from the gambia west africa and you welcome please

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  • Kimkay

    I’ve learnt my lesson, I lent my life savings (yeah very stupid of me I know) to two of my best friends, like the last commentor, the first one paid in bits and I never saw what happened to the money, the second one who was very close to me, well paid 40% of it and forgot the rest and he still comes to my house and eat. Now am JOBLESS due to cut down at work and am cashless.. I should have seen this article earlier… :(

  • Meg

    I lent my neighbor and distant relative $500 with the understanding that she would pay it back within three months with interim. It has been two years. She’s even tried borrowing more money (another 500 bucks) in the interim. The fact that she lives across the street from me makes it even more awkward. She knew I’m hard up myself, when we were still friends I would share stories about how my family was struggling financially. That 500 dollars came out of my emergency fund. Lesson: never lend money to a friend or relative, unless you’re okay with never getting the loan repaid.

    • Chris Shaquille

      Could there be legal problems with loaning money to people or is it just a loss?

  • stranger

    I lent £8000 to uncle for cousin bro’s med school – hasn’t been repaid at all yet….it’s now become very awkward & ruined the relationships all around incl. with my mom….losing sleep and very stressed…..never lend more than what you can afford to lose……..

  • Daniel

    Lending money to anyone whether a small amount or a give amount in good faith is exactly like giving a big responsibility to someone. That responsibility can represent trust and spirit. It can be something you and only you were appointed to do at a certain time later ahead which you have now postponed and frozen in the hands of another. It causes a great feeling of impotence not knowing if you will ever get it back. I don’t know what is worse, to lend money or to received borrowed money. I wouldn’t wish anyone to feel the way I feel right now. A feeling so uneasy that you can’t even sleep.

  • Abhishek Mishra

    Lent $914 to my uncle , its been like 10 years and not got even a single penny from him and even trying for more money from me.
    Don’t lent money to relatives, i learned my lesson, Asked multiple times for replay but no luck and even he looked me into my eye with anger after i asked for repay. i don’t think he will pay me back.

    • Pie

      Ten years I would give up

    • WonderWhyWoman

      Amazing. I know, they get, mad, when you remind them. Simply amazing.

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  • Tangsta

    From the moment you get money involved in a friendship it turns into business… The more money involved the more important the business becomes… Eventually the business becomes more important than the friendship… And as you all know there’s no such thing as loyalty in business…

  • Pedro

    I loaned my sister $5000 in 2008 and she hasn’t paid it back. If I bring it up she’ll go through a temper tantrum. One time I told her that she should be glad that I’m not a gangster because if I was, I would’ve dug a hole or broke her legs. Because of her I can see why deadbeats are some of the most despised people on earth. Malcolm X didn’t pay back the Nation of Islam the money he embezzled from them and look what happened to him.

  • pammy

    This is going to be a long one….1 have regularly played the fool when it comes to family as well. I am from a large family and seem to be the only one of the siblings that know how to manage money. I am single with no children so I think they feel I “should” be able to loan or just give money for the heck of it. Just because you are single with no children doesn’t mean you automatically have money. I have know plenty of single no kids people that are living paycheck to paycheck because they can and want to.

    I had one sibling with a very high paying job get mad on last year because I refused to loan her any more money. In her defense, she does pay back within 2 months or less. Two times it was for her mortgage when she was 2 and 3 months behind. Three other times it was for a large electric bill. She called one time asking for $3K to help purchase a car for her daughter. Mind you she had just received a $70K settlement six months prior. Guess she blew through that. I said no and she didn’t speak to me for months. Her daughter called this month asking for $2500 because she was behind on bills. I was so tempted to tell her no but didn’t because I softy me didn’t want her to have her car and house taken. A part of me thought I should because they refuse to budget their money and act as if I am obligated because I manage mine well.

    Got several other siblings that have borrowed as well. Up to about $4K in loans now from multiple members. I think starting next year I am going to tell them no unless they are dying from in incurable disease.

  • Mark

    3 years ago I loaned my brother 4k to buy a truck for his son, within 2 months of me giving him that money he gave me 2500, since then I have been paid 930-480 of that was for a computer I wanted that he paid for this week. For 1 1/2 years I did not mention or bring it up and he never made a mention, finally last Feb I decided enough and I said something. Last year he paid me 3 times a total of 450, now understand him and his wife are both nurses and make good money he just has zero monetary sense or urgency but they are both registered nurses and for his things and vices always there. Now this week I sent him a text saying how it had been over 3 years, he just paid for a trip to Cancun to take his wife and kids on vacation in about 2 or 3 months not all at once but still, I was pissed and still am, In 2 months he pays over 5000 to go to Cancun and still hasn’t finished paying me a 1500 dollar debt? He agreed to pay this week hence him paying for the computer. I write everything down, when he makes payments and this morn I send him a text asking what time, he works nights, I know if money sits in his account it is gone, the first thing he does is accuse me of harassing him. I do not understand how that can be harassment I just wanted to know if he was planning this morn or tonight no big deal but still that wrong choice of words no harassment at all and I wonder what actual bill collectors would have done over this time I doubt asking 1 time would occur and they would have probably taken him to court. I will never let this happen again I pay debts as they occur and have a true sense of urgency about it this time I might get paid but it is not worth the hassle or the headache

  • Bobby Mc

    Never lend Karen Dechristopher money she will refuse to repay the loan and get nasty when you ask for your money and ignore you

  • Lou

    When you give money to a family member, just consider it gone.

    • scarymemo

      When you loan money to anyone consider it gone.

  • Lou

    Why wait till your dead, I gave my daughter money to help in a down payment for her house. She completed college and paid for it on her own, she works hard and has a family. She has priorities when it comes to money she has shown to be very responsible so if enabling her by me helping her and her family so be it.
    If she pays me back fine, but I’ll probably use that money to help pay for my grandchildren college education. If they earn it and don’t expect it then that’s the difference.
    I’d rather see our daughter have a little now than wait till I’m 6′ under like so many do. Why make life harder than it already is if you can afford it.
    Don’t forget you can’t take it with you.

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  • Tia

    My bestfriend beg me to go on vacation with her and her family.She told me not to pay anything knowing I was on fixed income .I had a little personal money and offered to help but everyone kept saying no.I told them before I came I didnt want to go I didnt have money like that. I decided to go and she paid for everything she paid for the three nights at motel, food ,gas ,drinks. Her other family member we was with paid for there own things she told me they had plenty money not to give them my last.When we pull to gas up I reminded them I didnt have any gas money until my check day they said dont worry about it.I never asked for anything and try spend what i had . My friend waited until we was out town then her and her family started acting funny towards me giving me funny looks and waited until I left room and was talking about me.I dont really drink alcohol but on rare times but I drinked on the vacation because I was so hurt inside. My friend kept talking about her family when they wasnt around . I dont know what to do my friend keeps telling me not to give her other family member who we all rode together in there van any money when I get it . I feel like it was a loan vacation money because I was with them and say I would pay them back they keep saying no but they kept talking about me .I am up now 3am still crying and hurt a day after we came back home not knowing what to do. Should I pay everyone back there money or what should i do can someone please help me .Thanks

    • Chan RT

      Nope, you do not need to pay them especially the way they treated you. It’s a lesson learned. A real friend would not have treated you that way. They already knew you were on a fixed income before they begged you to come. Do not get into a financial rut trying to repay them when they knew you had limited funds.

      • Denna Brown Neff

        Regardless of how they treated her, she still owes the money. It shows good character on her part. She did NOT have to go on that trip and should have forcefully declined stating how she is building up her situation before traveling and let them know how much she appreciated the offer… and tell them to enjoy the trip and she her postcards.

    • Denna Brown Neff

      Pay the money back. If for any reason they say “no,” tell them you would NOT feel right if they did not take it and it would make you feel better. They HAVE to take it if you don’t offer any suggestions that “oh I don’t have much money but take this…” Don’t give them ANY idea of your situation. Just tell them how proud you are of yourself that you finally have the money to return.
      One thing I ask you, though, from your story. In the beginning, you say you have a little personal money. Then at the gas station, you tell them you don’t have any. Why didn’t you pay that little bit of personal money towards the gas? Pay them back with NO sob story. Tell them how proud you are of yourself that you finally have the money and want to show YOUR appreciation for their gifts of paying your way on that vacation. They have to take the money and do not let them suggest otherwise. They really do want the money back and it shows only good character of you to pay it back.

  • Tia

    I also wanted to add that I am not a deadbeat friend I gave money for years when I had it to help my friends and family with there bills loan extra car while I made payment and insurance for weeks and months at time never asked for a penny and gave expensive gifts for birthdays and xmas etc didnt get anything in return at all from some people but when I had it I gave just to put smile on other face now am on fix income people people treat me funny. thanks from Tia

  • Lyn

    I’m a woman and I loaned to a male friend that I had known for 4 years, who had recently married a woman who spent every cent he made. He needed the money to pay back his brother who he had borrowed from 5 years ago and never paid back and now his brother was having financial problems. Red flag maybe?
    I was sickened when he even asked. He called me, crying, and I was so torn. I knew our relationship would be forever changed whether I gave him the money or not. He wanted $12,000 but I scraped together $8,000 which was the best I could do.
    I had him sign a note agreeing to pay what he said could afford: $300/month.
    He set up direct deposit (after a few reminders from me) and for a few months he did fairly well. The money went into an account we had set up jointly. It was automatic so I didn’t have to mention it.
    Once he had paid back $1,000, he started asking for $200 or $250 every so often, which I just added to the loan.
    Suddenly he canceled the direct deposit. This was horrible. I had to call him and bug him and he started to stall. He said he had wanted to change banks and so he stopped the direct deposit. At that point we had set up both accounts so it would have been great if he had gone to his payroll people, stopped one and started the other and then I would have been fine with it.
    A month went by (he gets two paychecks a month). After much prodding from me, he deposited $150. Now it’s the next pay period. No direct deposit. No regular deposit. Lately if I even mention anything about a loan, he goes into a rage and says he wishes he never had to borrow from me. So he’s apparently angry with me for loaning him the money. He’s on vacation spending even more money while I sit here, realizing I might never see the $6,500 he still owes me.
    Moral of the story, no matter how good the friend, how great their job, how much they promise to pay you back….don’t do it. Unless you don’t particularly like the person and would like an excuse never to talk to them again. Then figure out how much you are willing to pay for pest removal and loan them that.

    • babucarr

      oh yes my dearest friend my name is babu carr am looking for a good friend

    • Denna Brown Neff

      Totally understand. I just posted my mistake of loaning to a friend. God bless your tender heart. Don’t loan to a friend or family member ever again. Not even to an enemy. LOL. You are not a bank, nor more than I am. SIgh.
      If you are like me, I feel like I must wear a sign on my forehead “Here’s a Sucker, Let Me Help” and lose my money that I worked all my life to attain. Not that’s I’m rich, but I pay back my debt and don’t buy what I cannot afford.
      Now I see the red flags and run like crazy. :) Hang in there. Life lessons learn sometime go on a long time. I’m 71, now. :)

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  • Bug S Bunny

    Very good advice. All around, loaning money to friends is a bad idea. But if you do, make it a gift. If you get it back its a bonus. Otherwise, consider it gone.

    • robert hingston

      your right leading as to be a gift a good deed.

  • Denna Brown Neff

    Yes. I loaned $2,000 to a new friend where I began taking my dogs to her grooming shop, even though she was farther away than the nearer by groomers. Her prices, 3 years ago, were very fair especially for someone with 8 small dogs. After a couple a couple months, she was moving to a new location less than half a mile away and in a more well-trafficked location. When she told me she needed $2,000 to help with the move, the next day, because she had said she would pay it back in a couple weeks, I loaned her the money telling her I had saved the money to buy new furniture. I thought … I can wait a 2-3 weeks more for the new furniture. (I had retired a 2 years earlier and had just moved to smaller down-sized home. Now, a few months later: I finally asked if I could deduct grooming costs from the loan to help her out since no mention of repayment came from her mouth. :( After 1-1/2 years, since I didn’t take my dogs THAT often since it was farther away, and most were Chi’s (baths & nails only) I presented her with several repayment plans on paper including interest. She agreed to one. Now, THREE YEARS later, I need the money and about $1,100 is owing with about $38 in interest. I stopped going because I began grooming at home myself. I’m not bad as an amateur groomer. I was feeling SO awkward with no mention about repayment. Not once has she repaid, nor made any attempt to repay, nor apologize for the delay. I do like her and now realize she does not have any money planning/financial/budgeting skills. I have sent her messages email/Facebook and she promised 2-3 times that “check in mail” and none ever came. I am feeling SO betrayed and losing trust in her. I will NEVER loan again and I should have known better as I’ve loaned before (not anything to this large amount.) What I dope it makes me feel. I don’t understand why she doesn’t make ANY attempt to send SOMETHING when I have told her I desparately need the money. I’m 71 years old and she’s 20 years younger. None of the very smaller loans were an easy story either but this one is the worse. I am so disappointed in her character with this situation and feel taken advantage of my trying to do a good deed. Oh well. Now, I have begged for the balance, literally begged, all the time feeling lncredibly awkward and embarrassed. I don’t believe she has any idea how awful this makes me feel about myself and about her. ;( Do NOT lend money to anyone. You are not a bank. I have another dear friend who is in a similar situation as me and her loan to her “friend” is 5 times larger than what I did. :( Same situatoin. We both feel like suckers and stupid people from the situation and those two people have no idea how they have made us feel. :(
    Sorry such a long story. However, I hope this helps some of you with making a loan to a family member or friend. Don’t do it. Your situation is NOT different. It WILL happen to you.

  • Lee Johnston

    Only loan money you can afford to never see again. Otherwise, if it goes south, you are put into the “nag” position and if they still don’t repay you, your only recourse is to sue them in small claims court (if amount small enough). Know that the courts will not force repayment even if they find in your favor. If person still won’t repay you, you then have to go about the process of having their wages garnished, that’s IF they even have any income. All of this causes stress, embarrassment, and negative feelings on both sides. If the relationship survives, which is rare, it will never be the same as before the loan.

  • Max

    I started a relationship with a girl. She was doing good financially. I studied in her city, but lived in another one. Sometimes I forgot my wallet, or I hadn’t see unexpected expenses coming. So I needed money to go home. I started asking her money, like $2 or $20. I always promised to pay her back the next day or next week. I always kept my word and pay her back. One day I was going to buy a gift and brought the extra money, but while I was in the school they told us to buy a book. I bought the book that day because if I wouldn’t have, I could have had to wait weeks before they would bring more. Since I used some of the money of the gift, I couldn’t buy the gift anymore. I needed $30 more. So I asked her. I promised to pay her the next day. But she went really mad, and asked me “When I was going to pay her back?” I had already told her that tomorrow. But she seemed angry. I had always pay her. I got mad because: I had always paid her back the day I promised (always next day or next week if it was Friday), I wasn’t asking for a fortune, I didn’t plan to ask her money, I was going to pay her the next day, due to the distance I couldn’t go home to get more money, AND she VERY OFTEN borrowed her “friend” $300 $400 or more and never got paid back and she never asked her when she was going to pay her, nor she ever say no to her.

    • Pip

      I don’t blame her for getting mad. She was a girlfriend not you fucking mommy.

    • Crazy Diamond

      Dude, nobody likes to constantly lend money, I’d be pissed too.

  • scarymemo

    I don’t loan money to anyone no matter what the circumstances, and I don’t borrow from anyone no matter the circumstances. If I’m asked I immediately say ” nope, I don’t loan or borrow” and I don’t give reasons why. I’ve made two exceptions in the last 8 years, the first was to my former best friend for $400, and he only paid me back after I got in his face about it after missing the repay deadline by 3 weeks. The second one was for $100 to someone I knew for 20 years, I gave up asking him to pay up, but it worth it getting rid of him.
    It isn’t worth the stress wondering if you’ll ever get your money back, it’s much better to bite the bullet and just give an uncomfortable no answer. Period. And if they think less of me for it who gives a s&&t? I think less of people for putting me in that uncomfortable position to begin with.

  • Tim

    With friends there has only been same day borrowing/lending, simple things like being short on change or forgetting a wallet in a car when grabbing something cheap (coffee etc.)

    The worst borrow I need to do was at an event with several friends;
    We just spent ~20min in line only to find out the til was cash only, (I only carry debit and credit unless I know beforehand something is cash only), well a friend pulled a 5 from his wallet and was offering it when he noticed the bill was $15.xx. He handed me a 20 and walked away, I gave him the change, hunted down the local ATM and gave him a fresh 20.
    I felt like a donkey [staying family friendly ;)], but I shouldn’t have, it was my first time at the event, the others had been there before, they knew I didn’t carry cash, someone should have said something before we where in line.

    With family…. I’m not going there, it will be a long time before my card is paid down.

  • Dana Tischler

    I lent a friend money… we’re no longer friends anymore ,need I say anymore.

    • Qwerty Asdf

      yup! same. i lent someone money and from then, every single month he’d call and ask if i can help him out.
      and to think he had still not repaid me from the first time i lent him money.

  • Alexander Valin

    Once when I was living out of town my parents and my brother pressured me into giving my 25 thousand dollars I had saved to deposit into a new house for me and my brother to become co-owners (my brother was staying with his gf and his family, and the living situation was getting hostile). The deal was that while I was living out of town working he would pick up the mortgage in exchange for myself putting down the deposit. Since then my brother had broke up with his girlfriend (who was also a driving force for the house idea) and now I’m still living out of town and paying for half the mortgage against our original agreement :(

    Also later on when I had managed to save another 10 thousand dollars (I was looking for a good investment) my father talked me into buying penny stocks for an upstart company (I know, and I should have known better) and still have yet to see a return on my investment (although the company in question is still active it appears).

    Although I am only 24, I feel like I have already learned several hard lessons regarding my finances and family. and now my relationship with my father and brother is being destroyed because of it. All because I’m the only one that is capable of saving money in my family :(

    • Dan Lo

      that’s your brother, not a friend

      • dulcist

        doesn’t matter if it is his brother or not, he is not a responsible person. Their dad doesn’t sound much better than the brother.

    • Qwerty Asdf

      Wow, some hard knock lessons here! I completely agree with you.
      Personally, i’ve learned that the less people know i have money, the better. Just save your money and keep your mouth shut.
      If someone knows you have money, the more likely they are to start budgeting it for you. That’s why it’s easy for some people to ask you for money, coz they know you have it, and once you say yes, it’s a constant thing.
      You’re young – so you have so much time to start over. But this time, do your own thing, save your money and do with it what YOU want!!!

    • Amirali Abdullah

      Ok, I’m going to go against the flow here Alexander. Property is actually not a bad investment, especially with the low mortgage rates currently. (I assume you do have your name on the title?)

      There are ways to recoup your investment on the house. I’d strongly recommend you insist part of the house be rented out – if your brother is living there alone while you’re out of town, why should he be effectively having half of his monthly living expense subsidized by you? Or by the two of you putting it on the market. Depending which area you are in, property almost assuredly trends upwards. Your brother did take advantage of you, but if you both approach it as a business transaction I think it’s definitely possible to recover the 25k plus mortgage you put down, maybe even make a tidy profit in the end!

      As far the stuff with your father, the issue is that it’s never a good idea to put your eggs all in one basket. Diversification helps. But yeah, that might be one you have to write off.


    Good advice. Learned the hard way myself. No loans to family, period. If I have it to give, I might do that.

    • robert hingston

      Agree I every now and then might GIVE money to someone in need, Once in a blue moon,
      but I don’t lend expecting anything back, if they won’t to give back then great if not then great.. And any money I give us private and once I give then I fotget to me it’s gone.. But if your not willing to give then don’t lend it..

  • Suju Queen

    I loan usd4200 to a friend for his home deposit. He will not be able to return me back due to financial difficulties and apparently, I have chalked up mine bills as well. My mum came to know about it , insulted me badly for being a fool and showing off my ability to offer loan when I have to shoulder a loan and never give her montly allowance.

    • Qwerty Asdf

      i completely understand this situation. You put other people in front of your own needs.

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  • ellafino

    It is the most difficult when a family member asks for a loan, a friend who doesn’t pay you back can be unfriended. However you can’t remove a family member from your life without affecting other relationships i.e. parents and other siblings. Best advice is don’t lend money that you can’t afford to lose and don’t borrow money you won’t be able to pay back.

    • Qwerty Asdf

      this is so so true!!!

  • Adrian

    My general policy is to never loan anybody anything for any reason. That being said, I do (secretly) have circumstances when I would loan. These are:
    1. When I trust the person.
    2. When I’ve observed the person as a responsible individual who keeps their word.
    3. When the person isn’t needing money because of repeat bad decisions (drugs, unplanned pregnancy, dropping out of school, not keeping a job –people who have these types of things going on can get a firm “no” when requesting a loan from me.)

    For instance, if my best friend lost his job of 3 years and needed $1k to help get him through the next few months, I would probably give him the loan (most of my friends are very responsible).
    But if my sister, who has had drug issues, is known as a chronic liar, had a baby as a teen, and is on welfare asked me for a loan…I would not do it.

    I know it sucks, and I’m probably selfish. But ultimately, I don’t feel responsible for paying for other people’s mistakes. I don’t like to be made to feel responsible for that either. So if your mistakes have put you in a bad life situation, don’t come to me.

    I am where I am in life because I think about my decisions, and choose to NOT do things that lead down a “bad road.” I will not be penalized for being responsible.

  • T Hal

    I went into business with a friend. I lent him $40,000 to start the company with me, attached a promissory note specifying a payment schedule to the company operating agreement, and stipulated the partnership was contingent upon faithful repayment of the loan. Months after the company started turning a profit, I noticed discrepancies between the bank account, inventory register, and reconciliations with product sold. He’d been stealing from the company, and worse, doing business with a competitor. On confronting him he threatened to declare bankruptcy if I “didn’t make this easy” for him. I consulted six attorneys, and every one of them told me that I should just accept having lost my money, despite the accounting and banking evidence I have of the theft, and despite the notarized promissory note that’s part of the LLC operating agreement. Apparently, you must prove someone “intended” to do you harm to show fraud–which, of course, is extremely hard to do. As a result, bankruptcy would protect an individual from civil law suits, and if the person lacks significant cash to repay your fees, the law suit would likely be a financial drain to you.

    What I’ve learned is it really doesn’t matter that you have contracts, promissory notes, notarized documents… It’s far, far, far too easy for people to steal borrowed money legally by deciding they just don’t want to pay you back, especially if they have no collateral to leverage a loan from you. Under no circumstances will I ever, ever lend money again. You’ll become the bad-guy just for expecting the person to abide by the contract, and in the modern moral-financial climate that considers bankruptcy merely a (potentially) sage financial decision, even if someone else’s bankruptcy destroys your life savings, there is more motivation than ever to declare bankruptcy when someone doesn’t want to repay a loan.

  • felicia merrio
  • felicia merrio
  • Midwest Values

    I have watched my wealthy parents give money to relatives for years. I am also well off financially and was offered an investment opportunity where I needed to raise money. My parents turned me down despite never asking for a dime as an adult (I’m in my 40’s). I managed to raise the money another way and my investment appreciated greatly.

    After that experience, I will never let anyone besides my son have a dime. Helping others only enables. Unless it is a one in a lifetime event emergency. Don’t do it.

    • Taedium

      You sound like a great parent…

      • Midwest Values

        Thank you, it is not easy. Rasing a kid alone with my wife. No help from anyone despite massive assistance from me to family members for a lot years. You turn very bitter afterwards.

  • Qwerty Asdf

    Hi there

    I know this is 8 months late but i’m in the very same situation as you are. I know that feeling. Not like you give money to everyone who asks, but it’s usually one particular person, friend or family member.
    Personally, i always feel bad about saying no, especially when i know i have money and when i know i can help.
    I’ve always said i’d rather starve than not help my family. However, it’s become a monthly thing and like you, i love being able to help. But once there are thing that i need i feel bad for helping and advancing other people when my own things are at a stand still.
    Do what your heart tells you is right. I’m Christian, so i can never say NO to helping someone i know is in need.
    For some reason, i know it’s not easy for people to ask for money, so when they do, i know they literally don’t have another plan.
    So help them! You will be rewarded one day. It’s not for us to judge others. Yes, you can save, i can save. Yes, when they get money they buy whatever they want because they can. Yet, you sacrifice what you WANT in order to save.
    Your good deeds don’t go unnoticed! persevere – be the good person. A friend in need is a friend indeed!!!

  • Melanie

    I know the feeling all too well.
    I lost my so called best friend of 40 years because she is avoiding me. She borrowed $1,000 from me a year ago. I never asked for the money back because I did not want to cause a strain on our relationship. She stopped calling me six months ago and I have since found out that she bought herself a brand new Cadillac.
    How one goes from being broke to being able to afford a new luxury car is beyond me. I know that her excessive spending lead to her needing my money a year ago and even though I felt uneasy about giving her the money, I couldn’t say no even though I honestly could not afford to give her the money. It was a stupid thing to do because I knew she would never pay me back.
    So I learned that if you can’t afford to give the money as a gift, it’s better to take a chance that you will lose that “friend” for saying “no” to their request for a loan.
    I lost my friend AND $1,000 . It would have been better to lose the so called “friend” because she was obviously never a true friend in the first place.
    Forgiving and letting go is what I need to work on now. That ex friend better hope karma doesn’t come around to her before she pays off her Cadillac.

    • Renee

      I know what you feels. I lost my $500 and friend also. Its been a year that she still doesnt paid my money. Some people always bought somethings that they cannot afford to buy with their own salaries. So they always asking people to lend the money to buy the stuff. They also didnt care about what we feel about the money. Never been gratefull and dont care if we need it later someday.

  • Amore

    A friend borrowed money last month and didnt return it. So i had to borrow from my mom to get through the month. It is extremely stressful, and i dont intend on going through something like this again.

  • Renee

    My story.. I spent my time and my energy to working hard to get money. And save the money for emergency only (like hospital bills just incase if me or my family got an accident). I need to keep my heart to buy things that are not necessary also. Someday my friend ask me to lend her money to pay her credit card bills. I just lend it to her money without thinking, I just thought that she need it for urgent or something. But 1 weeks later I just found out that she used my money to buy a smartphone for her child which is only 3 years old. I’m so pissed off when I see it. Why its so important to buy a smartphone for baby 3 years old. Its dont makes any sense.

  • Ethol Don

    99 percent is True………….1 percent is false,,,,,,,,,,,,,we are really good people, but few tragic bad experience make us bad , selfish……… I lend money maximum of my friends, but finally i get back good returns………..i have a best friend…he win DV lottery around 9 years ago,,,,,,,,and i lend him around 10000$ , and he promised me he returned me after he established himself, ……………….. i also win dv lottery for america, but i love my parents, i not spend a single day without my mom, ….i sold my dad few village land, my dad trust on me, …… he took my money, going to America,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, last 6 years he not mail me , even not just single phone call……my father is a cancer patience , we lost everything for his medical cost………… and finally my dad died and i try to contact with him many time……….he changed his number as well, i respect him, as my best friend, than we teenage, but now i feel shame,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, he forget me, who help him . …he lives in arizona……now. i never ever forgive him, he thinks that he is too smart he make me fool, but i want to tell him my friend, i am not fool, i trust u,,,,,,,,,,,, and god will show his power one day………..fuck

  • friendnotfoe

    Only one family member has ever repaid money back to me. They say they will but then never do. I borrowed
    money once from a family member and paid it back in thirty days. I myself don’t feel comfortable owing
    money yet others have no problem with it. I’m far from even comfortable financially yet they still don’t

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  • ShitsNgiggles

    I find it funny that people who borrow the money are the ones who turn on the one person who helped them out in their time of need. My sister – I loaned her $6,000. She paid back $1,000 then wrote the rest off in bankruptcy and I was her only creditor. I was 19, she was 34 at the time. I didn’t think this was even legal but she did it and had the balls enough to throw it up in my face later. Then she poured bleach in my milk at my moms house (admitted to it), tried to get me fired from my federal job, tiried to defame me and then turned around and stole from other family members including and got a car in our grndmother’s name fraudulently. She eventually went she went to prison for ID theft but when she was released, the dunce still didn’t learn. Result – Relationship severed…FOREVER.

    After that, I vowed that I would never help anyone else again, but I WAS (until about a year ago) compassionate to other people struggling. Like a dummy, I helped a co-worker out that I’d known 7 years and loaned her $1500. She did repay it but just as this article states, when people owe you money, you ARE NOT THEIR PRIORITY. We agreed in writing that I would be paid back in 3 months.That 3 months was put on her back burner and it took her damn near 8 months to pay me back after I got on her about nickle and diming me giving me $20 – $40 here and there. It wasn’t a priority to pay me back yet she could go on trips and splurge for her birthday…then brag about it.

    At the same time I loaned this trash money, I also loaned someone I knew almost 10 years money to the tune of $2,100. Same song and dance…only she never paid me back and changed her number so I couldn’t get in contact with her. The funny part is she is still in contact with members of my family who still associate with her and swears she isn’t dodging me, and will pay be back in due time…Its been 2 years. I know I’m not ever getting paid back and have disconnected myself from those I’m related to who talk to her.

    I played the fool long enough and while out of the ones listed, 2 of the 3 losers didn’t pay me back, but the fact that they continue to struggle barely making ends meat is payback enough. I have an excellent paying job and realize I was clearly used for my money.

    I can admit I WAS stupid feeling sorry for their situation…multiple times, but I can say that I am my only priority and I am not the designated heroine to rescue losers in their time of financial need. Since all this has occurred, others including another coworker asked me if they could borrow $800 to pay their rent and $300 for their phone bill. Without hesitation, I said No. No explanations, no lies about me not having it (knowing I did). Flat out no, I don;t loan money…and I didn’t feel bad about it. I will never loan money to anyone…ever again in life. Period. No matter the situation. People claim to have all the best intentions…until it’s time to repay.

    As my Grandmother would say, these were a series of bought lessons…& I shan’t be repeating them ever again.

  • Emily

    I had some friends that were pretty wealthy (so i thought) and asked me for money. I was a single girl on a tight budget but was shocked when her husband called to ask for $1000. I had known them over 20 years so I knew I would get it right back. He told me he needed 2 weeks. A month went by and no word. I had some medical bills pilling up and needed it. He would not return any of my calls. I finally contacted the wife and got a check the next day. I was wondering if she even knew. Things were awkward for a bit but it smoothed over.

    A year and a 1/2 went by, and he called again asking for money. This time $2300. I was shocked but wanted to help. I had a little money set aside, and could only help if he went by my rules in a deal. When they would not agree to my terms, they both got angry and blamed me for causing them being homeless. Never mix money and friends.